Slicin' and Dicin'- Let's Just Cut Them All!

Ok, maybe not ALL of them. But dang, I'd happily cut at least half of them right now and not even think twice.

I have to give Idol credit, though. They started this year off right. After all the uproar over the meanness of last year's audition phase, the judges were noticeably nicer and more constructive. I, for one, was VERY happy with this change. I don't watch Idol to make fun of delusional people, and I really don't watch it to see what kind of obviously planned over-the-top "me so crazy" act some jerk can come up with to get onto TV! Ok Ok, I am glad they left in a *few* delusional people this season- like the over-acting little spoiled brat Simon so rightly called out. But I thought over-all the auditions were pleasantly focused on the talent!

I have mixed feelings about this year's Hollywood week. While some of them may have liked getting the pass to the last day, I think it may have lulled some of them into a false sense of security and superiority. Josiah was clearly robbed, but I think the new process may have disadvantaged him.

My usual complaint with the first few weeks remains, though. They need to give all the members of the top 24 some kind of airtime and backstory. It happens every year- a few poor stiffs make it in that we've never ever seen before, then get cut almost immediately. Some of the unknowns do make it through, but it still doesn't seem fair. Especially with this year's long list of tragedies and sob stories. How could someone like Amy go up against a dead daddy, a sold horse, getting hit by a semi, or a lost voice?? It was a hopeless cause. Based on this theory, I guessed either Amy, Alexandrea, or one of the blond chicks would be gone.

Which brings us to this week's performances and cuts. I'll admit my earlier complaint doesn't hold exactly true. I do admit that, yes, Amy pretty much sucked and deserved to go home. But I feel bad- all the way to the top 24 and we know NOTHING about her. I know way more than I want to about perfectly average Carly. I was so glad Simon brought her down a notch. I kinda like her, but I'm sick of the hype. And her awful sperm eye-brows.

What was really too bad is we did have back story on Joanne, she seemed likable, had a pretty good performance, and yet, she got sent home. WTF people? Is this going to be one of those wonky years when I feel I have to vote for hours to balance out all the crazy people voting for no-talent brats??

OK, so if I could cull the herd now, who would I cut? Heck it might be easier to say who I'd like to see stay. LOL

But seriously, first on the chopping block would be the unbelievably, mind-bogglingly awful and obnoxious Danny Noriega. I see kids like him and I want to weep for the future, to steal a line from a movie that will age me, Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Maybe I am getting too old for Idol?

I would also love to wave good-bye to David Cook (way too wanna-be cool), Jason Yeager (just too cheesy and awful for words), and Luke (wait, he's even MORE cheesy and awful, although easier on the eyes). For the girls, I'd get rid of one of the blond girls, but I'm seriously not sure who is who.

I'm pulling for Amanda to start making some better song choices, I love her voice. I do want to re-do her rocker-chick look. I would still make her look rocker- just better.

On the other end of the spectrum, I'm oddly intrigued by Brooke White. I usually hate these kind of people. But she's pure without being the slightest bit preachy. A rare combination. In that vein, can I just say how happy I was that awful abstinence preacher girl got cut!! Although I did feel bad she's getting taken for a ride by her "coach," the former Idol contestant. Wow.

I'm waiting for great things from David A, David H, Jason, and of course, Michael Johns. His version of Bohemian Rhapsody was mind-blowing. I want more like that, I agreed with Simon, that was better than this week's Doors cover. If Chikezie can get it together, he could really surprise us.

Another thing I'm struck by is how many of this year's contestants tried out, and failed at various points, in previous years. How far can you get before they say you can't come back?? It is a *little* ridiculous. Not to mention those who have previous record contracts and touring experience.

But despite any disappointments, I can't wait for next week!

Mommy Diva Out! (I can't remember my number- who am I??)


Technorati Tags: american idol, idol, ai, 17 divas, hollywood week, david cook, tv blog,danny noriega

If Ya Wannabe My Idol...

You've got to be upbeat, make sure your song's not pitchy and don't forget to move your feet....

Ok, so at least one Diva is still suffering the effects of Monday's Madison Square Garden outing to the Spice Girls. However, last night's vote-off victims could have taken a cue from mes amies spice as they were evidently completely unaware -- despite Colton Berry's professed "love" of all-things-Idol -- of the unfallible Idol rules that must be followed if you want to make it into the top 12:

(1) don't sing anything by Mariah, Whitney, Celine, Peabo Bryson, Richard Marx or Luther Vandross during the first few weeks;

(2) do not sit on a chair; and

(3) do not sing a slow song.

Garrett, Colton and Amy proved to be totally ignorable -- but for their fashion faux pas and pitchy droning... and thus suffered a hasty exit last night, made all the more hasty by Seacrest's blissful cut-to-the-cut approach. I'm not even sure one could rip off a bandaid faster than Seacrest let the farewells fly last night...

Diva 1 has to exclude Joanna from the foregoing categories, however. Joanna proved that she could dress herself well and, despite the pitch problems and nerves, was far better than this seasons Britney-wannabe, Carrie Underwood look alike, or cowgirl/prom princess who kicked off the womens show on Wednesday (collectively, "the blondes").

Thanking their lucky stars last night were Mr. Moon River, Ch-Cheezy, Orlando Blook look-alike Luke (something), Scatwoman and the Blondes. As for the rest of us, its safe to say we were left to wonder why we couldn't just cut to the top 12, how many more group numbers must be endured and if there's a device to erase Paula's throw-back 80s video from our minds completely.... Oh yeah, and why the kids had to be publicly kicked to the curb in their second-hand group number costumes. In the immortal words of Aaron, "un uh, not cool!"

Until next week, Diva 1 out!

Technorati Tags: american idol, idol, ai, 17 divas, hollywood week, colton berry, tv blog,spice girls

Not Your American Idol

Is it just me or do about half the men look like women? I just can’t get over it....(Leif) Garrett, Noriega, Hernandez, and Colton (who actually made reference to how he looks like Ellen DeGeneres). Not that there's anything wrong with this, but it's just a bit confusing. If I wasn't paying attention, or say maybe dosed off for a few (which given these performances would not be out of the question) I may open my eyes and think it's ladies night...what the F?

And then there are the manly men that are just a deilish dish to feast our eyes on…there’s aussie hottie Michael Johns (I can even forgive him for having 2 first names), and Luke Menard. Michael has “it” I think. The beginning of the Doors song he did made me melt like cheese in a Ray’s Pizza’s oven (shout out to all the New Yorkers in the m-en-f-en haaooooouuuuuuuuuuse!). Hot and sexy, I’m totally down with MJ!

Moving on...Speaking of cheese, how about that Cheezie, oops that’s Chikezie!!!!

Of the women, I think Miss Syesha is awesome, she’s my fave pick for the ladies so far. There we some other interesting performances. I like the nurse-rocker.

Overall, there’s been a shadow over this years Idol since the pick of the top 24 show. And that shadow is mixed with a bit of anger. The honeymoon AI and I have been having over the years is finally over at least for now. We may be able to reignite the spark, but it may take some time. It’s like they cheated on me and I’m mad as hell. It is hard for me to see the top 12 men, especially the 6 or 7 lame ones and not feel this way. Why are these fuckers there and my boy Josiah is out sitting in his car!? That Josiah has it all…an amazing artist! His own songs are fabulous. He could make an album today and it’d go platinum, no doubt. Love, love, LOVE him & LOVE Ellen DeGeneres for all her fabulousness she sees the truth too and had him on her show yesterday. It was amazing. She showered him with gifts (which I don’t think even half will fit in his car, but something tells me he’s not going to be living in that car much longer).

Nuff said ~

Diva 3 out for now ~

Technorati Tags: american idol, idol, josiah, 17 divas, ellen degeneres, ai, michael johns,idol recap

Idol With a Vengeance!

Yes, ladies and gents, the long-awaited, post-Super Bowl schmorgasborg of American Idol has returned -- and with it, more diva-licious observations from your favorite reality tv mavens.

This year brings even more sad stories than usual. Diva 1 counted in just two shows (Hollywood week and Miami) 2 very recent patriarchal deaths, one heroic crash survivor, one more recent and slightly less tragic crash survivor (given that the show prominently featured her riding her motorcycle with reckless abandon), 3 janis joplin impersonaters (2 of whom were also in the crash survivor category), 1 beauty queen, immigration problems, innumerable "this is my last chance"-ers and too many single parents to count (including one refreshingly single dad -- doesn't anyone else besides Diva 1 wonder why the single pops never turn out for reality tv?).

This year's crop of potential American Idols include (to name a few): a nurse, a plus-size model, a former boy bander from miami, a 16-year-old, a rastafarian (at least by looks), a daughtry-wannabe, an Irish girl and an Australian mate. In usual form, we saw too little of half of the members of "our" top 24 to cast odds or truly pick a front runner, although I think many will keep an eye on Carly (the irish girl allergic to her dog) and David Hernandez (a Simon pronouncement that one will have to work harder is always a good sign) -- front runners if any are to be had.

Diva 1 would be uttterly remiss if she didn't note Idol's hugest mistake to date -- sending Josiah home without a ticket to the top 24. The child had more talent in his pinky that last year's boring, beat-boxing, boy-bander Blake and an interesting tonal quality to his voice. Not to mention a story made for sweeps week. Diva 1 is sure she wasn't the only one to discover that THIS was not the decision that Simon utterly disagreed with...

Anyhooo, stay tuned as the Divas gear up for another scandal-filled season of American Idol, with forays into all of your other "faves" of the season -- including Flavor of Love, Rock of Love and any other truly tragic excuse we can find not to do our real work!

Diva 1 out

Technorati Tags: american idol, idol, hollywood week, 17 divas