Latin Lessons...

Diva 1 is back in full stride following last week's hiatus (due to internet problems and Easter weekend) with this week's Idol Lessons. What DID we learn?

(1) If it wasn't written or sun by Gloria Estefan or Santana, its not Latin music. Seriously folks, five of tonight's eight songs were written and/or made famous by these two performers. Has no one heard of Celia Cruz (who got an honorable shout out from the Dawg), Julio Iglesias or Perry Como? Even Jon Secada (a former back up singer for the previously-referenced Estefan) recorded into the 90s and Julio's son sang in this decade. I'm even pretty sure that Charo had some music that might have been better choices than tonight's selection. And bonus points to anyone who knows who made Besame Mucho a "hit" song...

(2) Latin music requires a major in the color red, and a minor in animal prints. Seriously, count it up. Three contestants wore red tonight: Lakisha, Chris (who seriously looked like he stepped out of the Thriller video), and Blake (even the shoes). Three contestants wore seriously red lipstick: Melinda, Hayley, and Jordin. Multiple people wore some kind of printed clothing: Lakisha, Hayley, Chris and Sanjaya.

(3) Latin music is boring. At least when sung by American Idols. To wit:

Melinda looked like an old woman, fresh from the funeral home, and sung Sway as if it was a dirge. Michael Buble, who was just on last week, released this last year and it was totally fresh. The Pussycat Dolls sing it, and actually sound (a) like they're singing and (b) sweetly sexy. Take notes MD.

Our wedding singer was back, and proved that even satin camel toe cannot distract the judges from her lack of talent.

Jordin once again looked like she through a lame stage coat over her waitress' uniform to make it to the stage on time. Didn't get the judges' ravings, and I didn't think it sounded at all like Michael Jackson -- proving that JLo is not the end all be all of musical advice.

Blake started off intriguing, but ended up blank. Chris, in my opinion, is kicking his beat-boxing butt and had the hottest performance of the night.

As for Sanjaya, I now know what a woman with a mustache looks like. Thank you Mr. Malakar. Is it really a compliment when all the judges can say is, "well, it didn't totally s*ck?"

Finally, Diva 1 thinks Phil Stacey is not getting his due -- great vocal tonight, and great song choice. Better movement on stage. There IS a performer in there somewhere.

Until tomorrow,
Diva 1 out

ps -- Watch Dancing with the Stars. Joey FatOne rules!