I know I can blow your socks off - Idol pg13 bah bye!!
Kristy Lee Cook makes a promise to Simon that took everyone by surprise, most of all herself. I'm no stranger to sticking my foot in my mouth, but she described putting her mouth on something else. OOoops, the kids are watching! A comic relief moment and one of the highlights of this night of lack-luster performances (for the most part).
As you all know by now, Mr. Day-Tripper-she-only-took-me-half-way-there Cook (Dear David, I'll be happy to take you the rest of the way!) gave another outstanding performance! I love him! He seriously stands out. & I know if given the chance (and DC if you're reading this, yes, this is a proposition) I could blow your socks off too!
but for now, i'm just gonna blow on outta here, b/c I'm too tired to write more at the moment.
Brooke and David Cook bringing it all again. These two are already seasoned musical artists. They have "it!" & I love them. Absolutely amazing!!
If keeps going like this I predict they will be the final two. They are both amazing and unique in their own way and will be stars regardless.
David Cook looking especially hot tonight! Brooke is just so Brooke, she knows who she is as a person and an artist and her raw talent and genuine emotion is beautiful to see. Love the no shoes.
Chikezie surprised me. Well done.
Michael Johns, still a big fan, but agreed with all the judges, he needs to bring it. His voice is awesome.
Miss Rocker Amanda what's her name rocked that new hair do. Was a great makeover for the most part and she gave a good performance I thought. Is she gay? Not that there's anything wrong with that but she was singing about being jealous some guy would get in the way b/w her and her love. oh, maybe she had stripper dude or Noriaga in her ming and she was afraid her man was actually gay and playing her like a fool being in love with another man. Anyway, I was confused. I think she should have changed the pronoun from 'he' to 'she'. Unless she is gay and worried her gay lover is going to go for a dude, or she is not gay but concerned her man is and is going for a dude. I should really edit this b/c I think this is beginning to ramble on saying the same things over again and it is definitely a bit "wordy"
The other performances were, as Simon would say, forgettable except for little David Archeleto's lack of "wordiness" forgetting the lyrics. He had what only a week to learn this song? oh, I sound mean and bitchy. He's only 17. He's learning.
Sorry for such a boring post, if you are even still awake and reading this my apologies. I'm sure I'll have another colorful poem about my undying love for David Cook again soon. You can count on that!
I think my feelings about American Idol this week can best be expressed through the following poem, written by me, Diva 3:
David Cook you make my stir fry When you sing I let out a sigh You've got me flying high So happy we'd be together if you'd just come on by (my door, "hello, is it me you're looking for?)
The fire's been lit, my cookies are done, they are burnt & black but I'm not a maniac I just wanna roll around with you in the sack You can be my dog, 'ruff ruff' & I'll be your boo I'll cook you breakfast, do you like tofu scramble too?
Keep on rockin' dog, represent the pound (you, Michael Johns, and Jason are the only dudes in it). You guys make Idol "worthy" (to use a word from the Simonary. His cousin Dick doesn't know what it means and neither do we, but who the bloody fuck cares).
There was more I had to say but David's performance eclipsed everything else for me for the most part and I'm bored at even the very thought of reviewing the others (more than half of which were not even memorable).
A couple last points, in addition to David Cook's absolutely inspired, creatively brilliant and magnificent performance, I think Jason's version of hallelujah was brilliant as well. David, Jason, and Michael are at the top, and David is at the tippy top (please reference the aformentioned notes and poems. That's pretty much how I feel, not entirely per se, but I don't have all day!.)
Also, can the psych medical triage team for Paula Abdul resolve their union issues, cross the f-ing picket line, and get back to work. She's going down and she's taking us all with her. It pains me so to see her babble in languages none of us understand...literally it does pain me...not just per se, like forreal!!
Obsessed DC Fan Diva 3 outtie ~ nighty night!! (I need to watch DC's new rock ballad hit performance of Hello a few more times on youtube to help rock me to sleep, b/c in "my dreams I kiss his lips a thousand times"...I need to get enough REM time in, 1000 times you know is a lot!)
This wasn't a review per se, but it was in fact my point of view in case anyone gives a s@#$.
Diva 1 reporting in on 80s week, Idol style and to echo a fellow Diva -- is anyone tired of this yet? This week's episodes, by and large, were insanely boring but for Paula's ridiculous ramblings and amazing transformation from tuesday's spanish rose to wednesday's tory burch wearing, hair medallion sporting soccer mom.
The general recap? Three Whitney songs (Chikezie, Asia'h and Syesha), one Celine song (David H. -- yes, all the reporters were too kind in reminding people that its a Meatloaf song since the last one to sing it was, in fact, Celine), too many pairs of highwaisted jeans to count, and at least two contestants who seem to think they can sing with their eyes closed and connect with America's home viewers.
The highlights? Jason Castro, weird elfen/Lord of the Rings hairdo aside; David Cook, who bravely made Lionel Richie current as something other than Nicole's father; and Amanda Overmeyer, the nurse/rocker who finally found a genre other than the 60s that offers her some song choices.
The lowlights? Danny Noriega, who moves like a teenage girl/cheerleader; Luke Menard, who forgot that even George Michael appeared somewhat engaging when singing Wake Me Up; Carly Smithson, who seems to have lost all semblance of personality; and Kristy Lee Cook, who simply leaves this Diva at a loss for words.
Tune in next week for more boring Idol-ers revelations... Yawn.
Ok, maybe not ALL of them. But dang, I'd happily cut at least half of them right now and not even think twice.
I have to give Idol credit, though. They started this year off right. After all the uproar over the meanness of last year's audition phase, the judges were noticeably nicer and more constructive. I, for one, was VERY happy with this change. I don't watch Idol to make fun of delusional people, and I really don't watch it to see what kind of obviously planned over-the-top "me so crazy" act some jerk can come up with to get onto TV! Ok Ok, I am glad they left in a *few* delusional people this season- like the over-acting little spoiled brat Simon so rightly called out. But I thought over-all the auditions were pleasantly focused on the talent!
I have mixed feelings about this year's Hollywood week. While some of them may have liked getting the pass to the last day, I think it may have lulled some of them into a false sense of security and superiority. Josiah was clearly robbed, but I think the new process may have disadvantaged him.
My usual complaint with the first few weeks remains, though. They need to give all the members of the top 24 some kind of airtime and backstory. It happens every year- a few poor stiffs make it in that we've never ever seen before, then get cut almost immediately. Some of the unknowns do make it through, but it still doesn't seem fair. Especially with this year's long list of tragedies and sob stories. How could someone like Amy go up against a dead daddy, a sold horse, getting hit by a semi, or a lost voice?? It was a hopeless cause. Based on this theory, I guessed either Amy, Alexandrea, or one of the blond chicks would be gone.
Which brings us to this week's performances and cuts. I'll admit my earlier complaint doesn't hold exactly true. I do admit that, yes, Amy pretty much sucked and deserved to go home. But I feel bad- all the way to the top 24 and we know NOTHING about her. I know way more than I want to about perfectly average Carly. I was so glad Simon brought her down a notch. I kinda like her, but I'm sick of the hype. And her awful sperm eye-brows.
What was really too bad is we did have back story on Joanne, she seemed likable, had a pretty good performance, and yet, she got sent home. WTF people? Is this going to be one of those wonky years when I feel I have to vote for hours to balance out all the crazy people voting for no-talent brats??
OK, so if I could cull the herd now, who would I cut? Heck it might be easier to say who I'd like to see stay. LOL
But seriously, first on the chopping block would be the unbelievably, mind-bogglingly awful and obnoxious Danny Noriega. I see kids like him and I want to weep for the future, to steal a line from a movie that will age me, Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Maybe I am getting too old for Idol?
I would also love to wave good-bye to David Cook (way too wanna-be cool), Jason Yeager (just too cheesy and awful for words), and Luke (wait, he's even MORE cheesy and awful, although easier on the eyes). For the girls, I'd get rid of one of the blond girls, but I'm seriously not sure who is who.
I'm pulling for Amanda to start making some better song choices, I love her voice. I do want to re-do her rocker-chick look. I would still make her look rocker- just better.
On the other end of the spectrum, I'm oddly intrigued by Brooke White. I usually hate these kind of people. But she's pure without being the slightest bit preachy. A rare combination. In that vein, can I just say how happy I was that awful abstinence preacher girl got cut!! Although I did feel bad she's getting taken for a ride by her "coach," the former Idol contestant. Wow.
I'm waiting for great things from David A, David H, Jason, and of course, Michael Johns. His version of Bohemian Rhapsody was mind-blowing. I want more like that, I agreed with Simon, that was better than this week's Doors cover. If Chikezie can get it together, he could really surprise us.
Another thing I'm struck by is how many of this year's contestants tried out, and failed at various points, in previous years. How far can you get before they say you can't come back?? It is a *little* ridiculous. Not to mention those who have previous record contracts and touring experience.
But despite any disappointments, I can't wait for next week!
Mommy Diva Out! (I can't remember my number- who am I??)
You've got to be upbeat, make sure your song's not pitchy and don't forget to move your feet....
Ok, so at least one Diva is still suffering the effects of Monday's Madison Square Garden outing to the Spice Girls. However, last night's vote-off victims could have taken a cue from mes amies spice as they were evidently completely unaware -- despite Colton Berry's professed "love" of all-things-Idol -- of the unfallible Idol rules that must be followed if you want to make it into the top 12:
(1) don't sing anything by Mariah, Whitney, Celine, Peabo Bryson, Richard Marx or Luther Vandross during the first few weeks;
(2) do not sit on a chair; and
(3) do not sing a slow song.
Garrett, Colton and Amy proved to be totally ignorable -- but for their fashion faux pas and pitchy droning... and thus suffered a hasty exit last night, made all the more hasty by Seacrest's blissful cut-to-the-cut approach. I'm not even sure one could rip off a bandaid faster than Seacrest let the farewells fly last night...
Diva 1 has to exclude Joanna from the foregoing categories, however. Joanna proved that she could dress herself well and, despite the pitch problems and nerves, was far better than this seasons Britney-wannabe, Carrie Underwood look alike, or cowgirl/prom princess who kicked off the womens show on Wednesday (collectively, "the blondes").
Thanking their lucky stars last night were Mr. Moon River, Ch-Cheezy, Orlando Blook look-alike Luke (something), Scatwoman and the Blondes. As for the rest of us, its safe to say we were left to wonder why we couldn't just cut to the top 12, how many more group numbers must be endured and if there's a device to erase Paula's throw-back 80s video from our minds completely.... Oh yeah, and why the kids had to be publicly kicked to the curb in their second-hand group number costumes. In the immortal words of Aaron, "un uh, not cool!"
Is it just me or do about half the men look like women? I just can’t get over it....(Leif) Garrett, Noriega, Hernandez, and Colton (who actually made reference to how he looks like Ellen DeGeneres). Not that there's anything wrong with this, but it's just a bit confusing. If I wasn't paying attention, or say maybe dosed off for a few (which given these performances would not be out of the question) I may open my eyes and think it's ladies night...what the F?
And then there are the manly men that are just a deilish dish to feast our eyes on…there’s aussie hottie Michael Johns (I can even forgive him for having 2 first names), and Luke Menard. Michael has “it” I think. The beginning of the Doors song he did made me melt like cheese in a Ray’s Pizza’s oven (shout out to all the New Yorkers in the m-en-f-en haaooooouuuuuuuuuuse!). Hot and sexy, I’m totally down with MJ!
Moving on...Speaking of cheese, how about that Cheezie, oops that’s Chikezie!!!!
Of the women, I think Miss Syesha is awesome, she’s my fave pick for the ladies so far. There we some other interesting performances. I like the nurse-rocker.
Overall, there’s been a shadow over this years Idol since the pick of the top 24 show. And that shadow is mixed with a bit of anger. The honeymoon AI and I have been having over the years is finally over at least for now. We may be able to reignite the spark, but it may take some time. It’s like they cheated on me and I’m mad as hell. It is hard for me to see the top 12 men, especially the 6 or 7 lame ones and not feel this way. Why are these fuckers there and my boy Josiah is out sitting in his car!? That Josiah has it all…an amazing artist! His own songs are fabulous. He could make an album today and it’d go platinum, no doubt. Love, love, LOVE him & LOVE Ellen DeGeneres for all her fabulousness she sees the truth too and had him on her show yesterday. It was amazing. She showered him with gifts (which I don’t think even half will fit in his car, but something tells me he’s not going to be living in that car much longer).
Yes, ladies and gents, the long-awaited, post-Super Bowl schmorgasborg of American Idol has returned -- and with it, more diva-licious observations from your favorite reality tv mavens.
This year brings even more sad stories than usual. Diva 1 counted in just two shows (Hollywood week and Miami) 2 very recent patriarchal deaths, one heroic crash survivor, one more recent and slightly less tragic crash survivor (given that the show prominently featured her riding her motorcycle with reckless abandon), 3 janis joplin impersonaters (2 of whom were also in the crash survivor category), 1 beauty queen, immigration problems, innumerable "this is my last chance"-ers and too many single parents to count (including one refreshingly single dad -- doesn't anyone else besides Diva 1 wonder why the single pops never turn out for reality tv?).
This year's crop of potential American Idols include (to name a few): a nurse, a plus-size model, a former boy bander from miami, a 16-year-old, a rastafarian (at least by looks), a daughtry-wannabe, an Irish girl and an Australian mate. In usual form, we saw too little of half of the members of "our" top 24 to cast odds or truly pick a front runner, although I think many will keep an eye on Carly (the irish girl allergic to her dog) and David Hernandez (a Simon pronouncement that one will have to work harder is always a good sign) -- front runners if any are to be had.
Diva 1 would be uttterly remiss if she didn't note Idol's hugest mistake to date -- sending Josiah home without a ticket to the top 24. The child had more talent in his pinky that last year's boring, beat-boxing, boy-bander Blake and an interesting tonal quality to his voice. Not to mention a story made for sweeps week. Diva 1 is sure she wasn't the only one to discover that THIS was not the decision that Simon utterly disagreed with...
Anyhooo, stay tuned as the Divas gear up for another scandal-filled season of American Idol, with forays into all of your other "faves" of the season -- including Flavor of Love, Rock of Love and any other truly tragic excuse we can find not to do our real work!
The Dancing Diva Returns ... With a Danke Schoen to Wayne
Yes, fellow divas, Diva 1 has been on a work-imposed hiatus but she returns this week for a brief recap of this seasons' dances and departures on the ABC hit Dancing With the Stars. We'll take them by contender, and recap accordingly...
This season, Cheeseball, I mean Cheetah Girl Sabrina Bryan has proven (outside of pro dancer Julianne Hough) to be the series' first-ever contender under the age of 30. And, say what you will about her nerve and/or fashion sense, even Diva 1 has to admit that her opening cha-cha and this week's jailbait jive have proven that the girl has the drive and stamina to take this all the way -- provided that her Disney fan base isn't distracted from voting when the Hannah Montana tour comes to town.
Diva 1's taste however veers to Mel B, the salaciously scary Spice Girl of yore. Who would have guessed the woman who gave us "zig-ah-zig-ah" would prove to be a ballroom dancer with sizzle AND style? Pairing Mel B with Maks was a brilliant move on ABC's part and so far her cha-cha, quickstep and jive have evoked last year's pairing with Laila Ali. Thankfully, however, Mel B is even more talented, has a personality that comes straight through your tv, and has already managed to render Maks shirtless.
Dr. Quinn, aka Jane Seymour, topped the leader board this week with a smooth and sultry tango. Diva 1 believes that the judges last week were far too harsh on Jane's mambo and that this week proves that, like a fine wine, actors and dancers only improve with age. Diva 1 is betting that between the 007 afficionados who keep Bond week alive and strong on Spike TV, the Dr. Quinn set and recent viewers of the Wedding Crashers, Ms. Seymour will be around for weeks to come.
Rounding out the top four is Helio Castroneves, the brazilian racer with a smile of gold. Helio's enthusiasm and charm show in each and every dance, and he's managed to be the only person who looks awkward in practice but actually manages to keep up step for step with his partner Julianne come race day. Here's hoping that all the Indy fans are watching with their wives so Helio sticks around!
Stuck somewhere in the middle are Jennie Garth and Floyd Mayweather. Jennie's appearance was a bit of a shock to Diva 1 since she is the only 90210 alum to work steadily since the show's demise. Apparently, a hit show on the CW is still not enough to keep JG from riding the coattails of DWS Ian Ziering style. So far, Jennie's dancing is bland and many viewers are left only with noticing her gigantic teeth and tense mouth. This week's tango was a marginal improvement however and, if she applies herself, she could stick around. Same goes for Floyd who, for starters, has to realize that in order to jive, one must take their feet off the ground .(Seriously, did anyone other than Diva 1 notice that?!) Floyd is saddled with a seriously sour partner (Karina) and an attitude that rivals his partner's fury, leading one to the conclusion that despite his repeat label as "a contender" he could be "return to sender" soon.
In the bottom, we have Cameron Mathison, who seems content on proving (1) that soap stars are FAR more dull than their onscreen personas and (2) that Edyta's seemingly endless supply of sheer and slit-to-here gowns are not all that it takes to win the coveted mirror ball. Cameron broke out of dullsville for about 10 seconds in last night's tango but his promise quickly faded like the blush on a red red rose.
We also have Mark Cuban, who in 3 shows has proven that DWS gets better results than Jenny Craig and that, if effort was based on facial expression, it would be graded all As. Diva 1 can't help but respect his desire, but suspects that unless he starts buying some votes, disgruntled Mavericks fans will soon quit dialing.
Last but not least in the current contenders, is Marie Osmond -- aka the most annoying woman on the planet. All Diva 1 can say is, (1) how does one decide that their profession is "entertainer" and (2) where do they get her undergarments? All that spandex would certainly make Diva 1 look like a size 2, and she needs them stat!
Finally, and thankfully, as of this evening, we have been given the last dance of Wayne Newton -- while Cheryl is thanking her lucky stars that her toe will remain intact, the rest of us will be thanking ABC for not subjecting us to any more close ups of his orange, botoxed face. Danke Schoen ABC!
Diva 1 out, and mourning the loss of eye candy Albert Reed...
The Magical Mystery Tour de Force ~ Takin’ it to the Streets of Austin with their Newly Crowned Pick-up Artist Protégé Kosmo
Congratulations to Kosmo for earning the final medallion. I’m not sure what specifically the design on it represents (honor, greatness, bravery, Celtic love). However, I do know that Kosmo IS the Pick-Up Artist (PUA).
As such, he will be touring the globe with the freaky fishnet-top wearing super serious Mystery and his douche bag wingmen, Snoopdog & the other one, or is it Matador and Snoopy, no wait, it’s Matador and J-Dog. I bet they need to spit some mad game when they open a set and introduce themselves with those names. It’s a good thing they have the title and skills of a Master PUA to their credit, otherwise, could be a slippery slope that one.
Back to the Mystery Man. Didn’t Mr. M get the last note that got passed around the entire home room class of the last 80’s romantic teen angst movie probably starring Molly Ringwald, Emilio Estevez, Anthony Michael Hall, Andrew McCarthy, Rob Lowe, Judd Nelson, Ally Sheedy and all the other brat packers. The note said, in case you were wondering M, “In the future there will be no more fishnet tops unless you are performing or marching in the gay pride parade which btw is totally cool with us if that’s what you’re into (although our bone-head Principal Richard Vernon, all the unreformed a-hole jocks, the snooty princess debutants, and just general resident high school jerks wouldn’t agree but we and the super cool janitor think their crazy). Let’s remember to always be excellent to each other!!.” Well, the note went something like that anyway. I digress…
Seriously though, as much as I kid and well, throw some zingers out to this misfit crew of crusaders (and I’m not talking about the students or AFCs – that’s average frustrated chumps if you’re nasty or Janet Jackson or ignorant to PUA lingo), they are really doing a lot of good out there. I mean when you strip it down, this show really offered up some smart heartfelt behavioral psychology. The team of nerdy & seriously social/female-phobic guys really turned around.
With the help of Mystery & his crew of Joes & Hoes these guys developed healthy self-esteem and the ability to function and succeed in social situations with women. We got the chance to witness these transformations as their phobias and negative self-images melted away. Joe D. seemed most moved by the whole experience and it was really cool to see how great he felt at the end. God bless him, he just needs to come up with some better ‘threads’. Anyone who has been watching the show knows that’s not 70’s hippy-speak for clothes. There’s been more girl-on-girl combat in Austin over some dude named George. Who is this George? And what is he doing to the female populous in this otherwise peaceful, loving, politically evolved anti-Bush “war no more” capital of Texas.
On another note, in all fairness, I think Brady got side swiped when Kosmo was crowned King of the Chumps. He should have gotten a bit more camera time and kudos from M & the gang. Just a “hey man, close but no medallion, job well done, you’re awesome and will go far dude” would have been nice, then they could throw their arms around Kosmo in a very heterosexual manly way.
There have been many postings/rumors/possible truths about how Kosmo and Brady were “cast” - as in they’re actors/models. According to these commentators, it was no accident that they ended up as the final two. Not sure about all that and quite frankly I’m not so sure I care either way.
I got a lot out of this show. In addition to the shear entertainment value, picking up some fun new vocabulary (that probably won’t make it into Webster’s anytime soon) I learned some things that I believe even I can work on in my interactions with men. You know, I can DHV with my positive Avatar that will encourage men to throw Gambit my way giving me the IOI which might turn me into a Pivot if I am interested as well at which point I may deliver the IOI that might lead to KINO escalation that might deliver some good vibrations leading to a Bouncing situation back to his/my place where we can physically negotiate compliance testing as we KINO escalate into a possibly heavenly state of nonverbal communication otherwise known as SEX or six if you’re Bret McKenzie from Flight of the Concords. I’d love to share some KINO with that luscious KIWI any day, any night, any where!!!! Oops, I digress again! What am I apologizing for? This is my damn blog, I do what I want. How’s that for DHV!! Peace & Love Y’all!
Diva 3 outtie!!
P.s. Translations PUA-speak to English.
AFC – Average Frustrated Chumps
Avatar – Persona, Image
Bounce – Change locations
Compliance Test – Checking Comfort Level
DVH – Demonstration of Higher Value
Gambit – A conversation starter
IOIs – Indicators of Interest Nonverbal signs that show that a woman is attracted to you
IODs – Indicators of Disinterest – nonverbal signs that show that a woman isn’t attracted to you
KINO – Physical touch, or kinesthetic
Moving Targets – Sets that are in motion
Multiple Threading – Weaving between various stories
Neg – Playful form of teasing
Niquito – Chick Magnet
Pivot – A woman who assists in opening sets
Qualifying – The act of trying to prove to someone how worthy you are
Roll off – Showing disinterest by turning body
Set – Group of people
Stacking – Moving from one story to another
Thread – Line of Conversation
Two Set – two people
Oh, and by the way, back to Bret McKenzie, cutest Kiwi ever. New Zealanders are often referred to as Kiwis after the national kiwi bird, that is, not surprisingly the cutest bird ever!
I was sad and forlorn that my Sunday Night double HBOgasm of Entourage and Flight of the Conchords was gone from my life last nite. But was slowly consoled by tonite's reality tv buffet - no I did not watch Dancing with the Stars- I'll leave my fellow divas to talk that one. But btw the PUA finale and the new Bachelor this Diva was in hog heaven.
On the pickup artist season finale Kosmo beat Brady for the title and last medallion. As the two finalists had 8 hours to make-over an AFC and transform him from chimp to pimp in a day, surprisingly both student's students couch closed and number closed. Kind of makes you wonder why it took Mystery weeks to get some of his students to do what Brady and Kosmo got their chumps to do in a day. Despite a stellar performance and what seemed a head-to-head competition, Kosmo was awarded the final medallion and the title forever on his resume - Master Pickup Artist. He will now travel the globe with Mystery, J Dog and Matador perfecting his techniques and wooing women from sea to shining sea.
and so we leave Austin city limits but not much and head to the newest Bachelor featuring Brad, a multiple bar owner from Austin. Now let me just say that I am a bit disturbed that there have now been 3 Bachelors in a row - it used to be they'd alternate Bachelor then Bachelorette. Now us Divas all know that there is NO shortage of single females thus making this somewhat inexcuseable. Plus, I'd rather watch 20 guys than 1.
Ok, so Brad - who seems scared and wide-eyed meets and greets and kisses the lot. And the fashion police need to raid the mansion there was a high percentage of BAD fashion - a majority of these dresses were unflattering and ill-fitting. people, people do you not have a mirror?
So it's Brad the Bachelor, with standout future Mrs. Brad wannabe's who include:
1. Jenni - who got the 1st impression rose due to her big smile and somewhat awkward dancing.
2. Morgan - who to the delight of Brad, showed him her webbed toes. (sweet!)
3. The Contortionist - name forgotten but her bending her body so her mouth met her crotch - not so much unforgetttable.
4. Chicken Cutlets Anyone? - this being the bachelorette who stuffed her dress with faux boobs only to have one of them fall out and end up on the cocktail table.
5. Mallory - who turned into a mermaid ditching her evening gown for the bathing suit competition and having a 1 person pool party where she proceeded to tell the Bachelor that he should drop his pants and join her.
This is the 2nd season in a row that hints at trouble in reality paradise with foreshadowing of an ambulance - you'll all recall how the ambulance made an appearance in the Andy the Bachelor show when Bevin fell and broke her ankle.
blah , blah blah and then 10 women were sent home.
Go on, admit it, I'm not the only waiting in anticipation of The Pickup Artist's season finale Monday nite - you know you are!
I don't know what rock they found him under in Canada, but some guy named Mystery ( oooh that's so mysterious, can I sleep with you?) contends to be a master pick up artist and together with his sidekicks try to teach a class of average shmo's - not joes - how to get it on with women.
For those of you who have not been paying attention the last few weeks here's the 411:
1. The Mystery
Some Canadian dude, (ey) who goes by the name Mystery (think Flavor of Love meets Tommy Lee meets The Red Barron) who is a self-proclaimed pick-up artist. Able to hump women in record time, bounce them from the grocery store checkout to the motel6 in under 20 minutes, he brings new meaning to Justin Timberlake's lyrics, "I'll have you naked by the end of this song."
2. The Sidekicks
Matador and J Dog are Mystery's celebrated proteges from years gone by. The three of them are pretty proud of themselves. There's enough ego hear to sink a ship.
3. The Students
What started out 8 scared male virgins has narrowed down to the final 2 in the ultimate face-off to find the NEXT master pickup artist. These guys are hilarious and the biggest group of cry babies this side of the pediatric ward. Sobbing and hand-holding at elimination ceremonies, these nerds have taken bonding to a new level. But good for them, nothing says sexy like a man who's not afraid to cry.
Joe D might in fact be the most lovable loser - a social misfit living in his parents basement who is refreshingly comfortable in his skin (he's not lean) and who against all odds made it down to the final 3. Then there was Pradeep - fun to say, but not so fun to listen to. An over-thinker who doesn't know when to shut up or recognize when a woman is blatantly blowing him off.
4. The Location
Austin, Texas seems to be the proud city hosting this reality show-tacular. Lucky women of Austin have had to deal with some pretty mad game.
5. The Lingo
Any good reality show knows that it has to give the pop-culture fanatics something to chew on - lingo, language, show-isms that will live on and roll off the tongues of fans long after the show has been cancelled. The pickup artist might actually have some of the most memorable lip smack you've ever heard. It is with laughter and astonishment that you listen to these Pickup Artists use their made-up terminology with such serious delivery. Prime example is when during a field test Mystery and Matador are watching a student's performance in a bar and Matador blurbs, "I can't believe him, that was the perfect time to kino escalate!" (LMAO) And since you're now asking yourself what the hell is that, we bring you the Pickup Artist Terms and Chatter:
Set - Group of People
IOI - Indicator of Interest
IOD - Indicator of Disinterest
Kino - Kinesthetic "touch"
Kino Escalate - Increased Kino
Neg - Playful teasing
Bounce - Immediate "Date" at another Location
Kiss Close - Kiss your Target
Number Close - Get the Digits of Your Target
5. The Lessons
These are some of the shortest classes I've ever attended - but I guess these geeks get the point. Standout lessons from Season 1 include: Listening to what a woman wants, How to pick up a moving target, How to pickup a stripper, a 411 on Ladies Lingerie, How to Kiss and of course, How to Spit Mad Game.
6. The Field Tests
After each love lesson the men are sent into the field to be tested on what they learned. The field tests are where we get to watch these guys crash and burn or score in an actual bar or social venue.
Highlight field tests included the Blindfolded kiss test where the students were judged on their kissing skills by Mystery's blindfolded friend, Tara. Then there was the lingerie shopping test where after viewing a lingerie fashion show starring Tara and another lady, the guys had to go shopping for them keeping in mind the things they said they liked or didn't like (otherwise known as the Listening test).
The moving target test caused them all to bite it as they attempted to pick up women moving, running and biking on the bridge in Austin against numerous obstacles. Surprisingly the guys as a unit had the most success in Expose, an Austin exotic dance club, where Brady even Bounced a dancer into the limo outside and totally "scored."
What is perhaps the most comical moments in these field tests is to hear each contestant spit the same pickup lines over and over and over. It's like once they marry themselves to a "shtick" they stick with it. Like Brady - whose signature pickup schpeal is "Can I ask you something - It's a very important question, very important - Do you floss BEFORE or AFTER you brush?" or Joe D - whose signature conversation starter goes, "Oh my god, did you see that fight outside? Yeah there were these two women going at it over some guy! You didnt see that?" (side note: Fake fights in Austin rose 90% for the duration of filming.)
7. The Medallions
At each elimination ceremony the geek squad is awarded medallions. On Flavor of Love the contestants get clocks, on the Bachelor they get a rose, on Survivor they get food other than a bug to eat. These Pickup Artist Medallions are color-coded and each color has a very meaningful symbol and of course, technical name which I cannot recall, nor will you.
8. The Final Showdown
The Pickup Artist season finale pits Brady versus Kosmo left to battle it out for the cash prize of $50,000 and the priceless award of traveling and continuing their mentorship with Mystery and his entourage. You'd think a lifetime supply of condoms would be a more appropriate prize given the context of the challenge. But the winner will have to cough up the cash for those himself.
Not sure who was manning the helm at last night's VMA Awards, but the captain of the ship had a titanic tragedy on his/her hands! Starting off with the over-hyped Britney Spears' opening number - where, oh, where do you begin to comment on this truly misfortunate public display of unpreparedness and lapse in judgement. Britney opened the VMA's with what can only be categorized as a catatonic, lethargic and unprofessional performance of monsterous proportions!
Britney seemed completely out-of-it as she barely kept up with the lip-synching and dance steps. It was as if she were doing a first-run through of this in her basement. I've seen more life in a piece of fruit. Even the dozen dancers around her couldn't camouflouge her lacklusterness. Dressed in no more than a bikini, Britney's costume only added to her fiasco, highlighing her not-so-rock-hard abs and body language that all but said, "Are we done yet?"
As bad as Britney was she can take comfort in the fact that she was not the worst part of the VMAs.... that award goes to the ever-irritating and inappropriate Sarah Silverman who had the difficult task of being the act immediately following Britney. If the show hadn't already been killed in the first 2 minutes, Sarah Silverman stabbed a few more knives into the corpse. You could hear a pin drop and see the disgusted looks on the faces of those in the audience as Ms. Silverman attempted her off-beat, poorly-timed humor to zero laughs and crickets...lots and lots of crickets!
I cannot comment further on the VMA's as that's the point at which I turned the channel.
It really was Jemaine Clement!! (of Flight of the Conchords) on Rivington and Allen St. in NYC's LES August 30th.
Two dumb divas stood by evaluating the initially-thought-to-be "Jemaine poser" trying to decide if he was real or fake. diva 3 loves Bret and diva 4 loves Jemaine - For such strong fans of the show this should have been a slam dunk ID of the suspect, and diva 4 seriously needs to have her eyes checked given her comment that he was just some guy 'pimping out the whole jemaine look.'
Ironically, the Bret girl, was fairly convinced this was Jemaine, pointing out distinct features, i.e. the space between his teeth, the broad shoulders and narrow waist, etc. However, the ever skeptical Jemaine girl was not at all convinced. His height was throwing her off, she thought he was much taller. Not to mention IMDB.com has it listed as 6'1 & 1/2", and this guy seemed no more than 5'10".
After a half an hour of - embarrassed to admit - not so subtle gawking at Rivington & Allen, neither willing to approach him, Jemaine and crew were on the move. In true Mel fashion we commenced a stalk/walk otherwise known as a stwalk where evidence was mounting that it might actually BE him (a girl on her cell screaming "he looked right at me.", a guy we saw run to talk to him and then fly a block back in the other direction to catch up with his friends). This was turning into a true fiasco which could have been so easily solved with a "hey, are you Jemaine?", "wanna get down to some business?" or "boom me baby!" but NOOOOOO we just stood there like idiots!
Finally after following the alleged Jemaine and friends nearly 30 blocks where they ultimately ducked into the Grassroots Tavern dive bar on St. Marks, where practically 20 people on the sidewalk spilled in with them - two lame divas hopped in a cab continuing to debate was it or wasn't it. After re-viewing several Concords episodes & seeing a gawker.com jemaine sighting post the next day that was clearly during our pursuit of the suspect, we had our answer. (The incompetant inspector Jacques Clouseau from the 70's Pink Panther movies would have done far better at solving this mystery!).
Unfortunately it was business time & we had punched out our time sheets way to soon. Business time was definitely over and we were FIRED!!
Somehow we will move on from this botched would-be encounter with greatness. It will take lots of ice cream (soy delicious for the vegan diva) and some therapy, but we'll get through the dark hours and find solace once again.
Sighning (that's right, sigh-ning) off, The Shy Siren Diva's
Well, the hotel heiress has been sprung from the slammer and had her first post-jail interview last night on Larry King Live. Immediately following the interview Anderson Cooper and a panel of sharks dissected and chopped her words into tiny little pieces – they were not alone.
First let me say that this diva is in the minority of folks who think that Paris’ crime did not fit the time. (apparently 63% think it did). HELLO – some actors kill people in cold blood and are out playing golf!
During the interview Paris described her time in the big house, read deep moments from her solitary confinement scriptures and told how she ordered the bible from the commissary (inmates are not allowed to bring anything in jail with them upon admittance.) and read it almost daily.
Larry King tried to get Paris to bad-mouth Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan and Nicole Richie but Paris didn’t take the bait! She smiled her glossy-lipped smile and declared what a good mother Britney is, that she wishes Lindsay the best and that Nicole is like a sister to her and she’d hate for anything bad to happen to her. (uh , we guess this means Nicole is no longer in Paris’ dog house.)
While Anderson Cooper and the lot go on and on about how vapid Paris is, how immature she is and how after 3 weeks pondering what good she can do in the world still seems to be teetering, this Diva would like to discuss the more important issues at hand….What she was wearing and how she looked! GOSH, people, you’ve missed the whole point!
First off, let me say I loved her dress – bone colored beige number with deep scoopneck and bow tie front – I’ll take one of those! Second, her make-up – true, her lips were properly coated and shiny in gloss, but I felt her mascara looked gloppy and needed a ‘comb-thru’ to separate the lashes.
And to Anderson’s disbelief that Paris could not recount a single favorite passage from the bible when asked by Larry King , this Diva retorts – HAVE you SEEN the bible???? It’s a BIG BOOK!!!
God Bless you Paris, may you prosper and show the world the changed woman you claim to be!
Well ladies and gents, the time has come to bid farewell once more to our beloved Idol. Notwithstanding the talented gentry of this year, to wit Sundance, Our Fair Lady Melinda, the Follicly-challenged Phil and the Lovely Lady Lakisha, it has truly been the year of the teen.
Even thought there is little doubt tonight's crown will go to Jordin (who, coincidentally, sports the good luck nose piercing of the original Idol, KC), Diva 1 offers a few, final observations:
(1) Winner of best summary of the evening goes to CNN, who earlier on Tuesday declared tonight's contest to be one of "Beauty and the Beat Boxer." They must have been reading our clever witty site to come up with that one!
(2) Winner of best song of the night goes to, ironically, the Idol Song. Two unknowns managed to best an industry of writers, and Tamyra Gray, to give us the least annoying IS of the last several seasons. Kudos to them, and shame on Ryan for giving them less than 2 seconds of fame....
(3) Diva 1, notwithstanding the judges, thought Blake's best *vocal* was the IS. Although she finds it hard to get behind a boy wearing a sparkly, aqua argyle vest with matching camp shirt. Diva 1 had that outfit -- minus a considerable number of sparkles -- in the sixth grade. If Blake is nice, he might get to borrow the matching turquoise lightning bolt earrings...
And, while Diva 1 was NOT shot through the heart by the Bon Jovi song, it was far less hideous the second time around, largely due to the great performance...
(4) Diva 1 believes Jordin's best vocal of the night was the Broken Wings, although she wouldn't say (a la the Big Dawg) that it was better than the original. Diva 1 also appreciates that Jordin took a page out of recent seaon runners-up and dressed big for the final number, even if it was bit pitchy and screechy. Lesson learned? Sparkly dress, big earrings, a few tears and some heartfelt emotion WINS BIG.
(5) Finally, Mr. Daughtry should fire his stylist. The heavy eye make-up was super creepy, even if he sang really well. He's the lead singer for Daughtry, NOT Linkin' Park (in case he happened to leave his cd cover at home)...
Soooo, tune in tomorrow, when all the big things happen. Diva 1 can't wait to see who sings with who, which age old rock singers look for a boost in their careers (I'm talking YOU Meatloaf), what else the painkillers will make Paula say, and how Seacrest stretches 30 seconds of news into 2 painful hours.
Poor Kate Walsh. She's got the toughest job in the world. week after week she's sucking face with the hottest men around. McSteamy, McDReamy, McAlex and now McTimDaly. I can barely fathom the difficulty she must have getting up and going to work. all this Diva knows is Kate Walsh is one lucky lady.
In last night's 2 hour special and foreay into the much-talked about Grey's Anatomy spin-off, kate walsh hit a home run, and already got to first base in one of the HOTTEST tv kissesever! I don't know what Tim Daly's been doing for the last few years, but bulking up at the gym and maintaining his sizzle factor have clearly been taking up his time. as Randy Jackson would say, "check it out, check it out, that was HOT Dawg, that was HOT!!"
Meanwhile, there was something familiar to me about Addison's best friend who owns the wellness spa with her separated husband. Then Diva 3 pointed out to me that she's Allison from Alias, Sydney Bristo's roommate who was killed and cloned to kill her. And Sark from Alias was also in a bit role.
one of the many things this Diva loved about this spin-off is the cute male surfer receptionist who at 1pm trades his work clothes for a pair of boardshorts and sex waxes up his board before hitting the waves for lunch everyday. the gals in the office spontaneously gather at 12:55 to drool, then again at 1:55 to witness the same show "wet".
Very Swollen Diva wasn't sure if the pregnancy hormones had finally boiled her brain away to the point she could no longer properly assess contestants!! Phil rocked the house? LaKeisha kicked serious ass? Chris didn't sing out of his nose the whole time? Blake was far from boring?? And Jordin sucked beyond all belief and recognition??
At least Melinda was there to anchor things with another solid performance. Unlike Diva One, I could tolerate her affect after tonight's performance. I felt as if rockin' out to Bon Jovi was totally out of her comfort level, unlike so many of her other performances- that are usually better but obviously more in her comfort zone. So, she really did need the reassurance that, yes, she once again proved she's the best vocalist and showman in the bunch.
But back to our surprises- once again, I marveled at Phil. He was damn lucky to last this long and finally hit his stride. I did see what Simon was getting at, but not to that extent. Phil isn't a rocker, and shouldn't really aspire to be. And come on Diva One, surely you jest, he just doesn't have that cool-hotness that Chris Daughtry did! Phil is a dork, and a little creepy- but he's really proving himself to be a helluva performer! There's a niche for him- not rock, not crooning, but maybe some Christian/Country type music? Someone obviously likes him- other than just Diva One!
I've been ready to see LaKeisha go, but I would truly be sad if she went home after this week's utterly amazing performance. She got both her brains and her pipes back. She made a wise choice of song and interpretation, with virtually no shouting. Yes, she did truly deserve that kiss, and seeing Simon with her lipgloss all over his face was the highlight of the night!
The lowlight, however, was my usual favorite- Jordin. I'm hoping that her frank admission that she totally sucked will save her, along with her excellent performance (and tons of votes) from last week. She honestly rivaled Sanjaya in her out and out suckiness. If I had been able to fast forward through it, I would have. Good lord.
And I finally realized JUST how young she is- her MOTHER grew up on Bon Jovi?? And poor Jordin clearly did not know this song at all. Which this child of the 80's/90's finds completely incomprehensible. Contestants like Phil were clearly at the advantage this week- he'd been practicing his song in the mirror almost as long as Jordin has been alive!
My real and true highlight of the night was BLAKE!! I loved it. I'd listen to it. I'd buy it. DH said he'd buy an album of Blake's Idol performances thus far. I agree, I thought last night's performance was BRILLIANT. He kept the big rockin' chorus we all love, but twisted all the right spots to make it his own. He made everyone else look like they were singing Karaoke. I hope his gamble pays off.
And Chris, I liked him, liked he knew someone had to sing Dead Or Alive, liked his less-nasally tone, but I think this is his swan song. Two people have to go this week, and I just cannot fathom how he cannot be one of them.
But who will the other one be??? LaKeisha? Jordin? I'm really not sure, but we all know how unpredictable Idol can be, so there's a good chance we could see *gasp* Melinda go home. And Blake's big gamble could kill him. I loved it, but I think Simon and Bon Jovi are right- there are a lot of people like Diva One who don't want some weird kid messing around with their Bon Jovi!
Diva Four speaks the greatest truth about out night, though. What the hell was up with Monkey Boy George Bush showing up?? I was really touched by last week's fundraiser, but seeing the Bushes last night made me shudder. Blech.
I must agree with Diva One- Bon Jovi proved himself to be a great mentor. LuLu might still be my favorite of this season, but I really enjoyed his frankness and enthusiasm. I must admit, I was kind of dreading a night of Bon Jovi, fearing it would be a night of retro shouting. But this ended up being one of my favorite Idol nights!
Of course, it could be the hormones talking. Oh, and as of today, they estimate Baby Joe weighs 8 lbs 14 ounces. And the due date is still 9 days away!! Wish me luck ladies. I know my doctor is hoping I'll go into labor next Wednesday because she's on call- but that means missing Idol!!!
Diva 1 loved Lakisha, from the simple look, sultry hair, and absolutely SMOKIN' performance. Superb performance, and one that was her own. I hope she's around for another week!
Diva 1 also loves Jon Bon Jovi; he has a rep for being a humble Jersey boy, and tonight he proved it, being (perhaps) the most sincere and helpful "mentor" the Idol-bes have had this season.
Not to mention he loves some Phil Stacey, just like Diva 1 -- who, not surprisingly, again feels like he was robbed of the praise he deserved. He had a great song choice, a controlled vocal, and one that wasn't screechy (unlike several other performers tonight). And he was more watchable than ever. Clearly Simon, I mean someone, is worried about having another Taylor Hicks on his hands. Perhaps he should be reminded that, much like another famous bald Idol-be (can you say Daughtry?), he could be poised to sell tons of records. Josh Gracin -- the army rep of seasons past -- had the number one country record and stayed firmly in 4th on the charts for nearly a year after he was booted.
Jordin? Completely unwatchable, and unlistenable. For the first time ever, Diva 1 fast-forwarded an Idol performance.
Diva 1 thought Chris was good, and appreciated that (unlike his rehearsal with the afore-mentioned JBJ) his vocal was not the slightest bit nasally. D1 actually liked the gravelly tone, and thought it was a return to the more confident Richardson. It may not, however, be enough to ward off Blake the Boy-Bander. Rest assured, Diva 1 is firmly in the half of the population who does not want her Bon Jovi messed with. Didn't get it, didn't like it, wouldn't buy it. Sorry fella divas!
Last but not least, Ms. Doolittle. Diva 1 agreed with Randy: much better than last week, but not her best. Something about seeing her morph into Sally Fields ("you like me, you really like me") immediately after she quits singing takes a bit of the believability away for this Diva, notwithstanding Doolittle's competence...
Recap? Rock night was 50% rockin', JBJ is the teddy bear of rock, Paula needs to learn to do something other than squish her lips together and golf clap, and Lakisha earned that kiss...
Simon must be getting some, b/c he's spreading the love. Simon kissed Lakisha after her performance he thought she was so good. Ryan, in particular, enjoyed that.
I'll say I thought everyone rocked it tonite! i Loved Blake's beeebop version! that was hot dawg! Chris is just adorable! and Melinda's attitude was da bomb!
Jordin's hair did looked a like a dead animal. and have to say, she was my least favorite of the nite.
oh, wait, no she wasnt'. my least favorite of the night was George and Laura Bush's cameo political maneuver to "get jiggy" with the young folks while commending the Idol viewing public for their generous contributions to Idol Gives Back. I'm sorry, but I didnt' hear them make a donation. Just a bad joke or two. At least he didn't stutter. Very bizarre.
On last night's bachelor, Andy Baldwin spent a group date with Amber, Bevin, Tina and Danielle assessing their "mom" quotient and their "community" factor as they did charity work creating a playground for an elementary school. Toiling soil, painting hopscotch boards and assembling tricycles and big wheels these gals did their best to paint themselves as the perfect mother to Andy's unborn children.
In a heart to heart talk Bevin confesses to Amber that it is makes her sick that someone who is 23 could be up against her mature-dness of 28 in the fight to win Andy. I mean, my GOSH, those ages are like night and day! In her 5 year advantage Bevin is INFINITELY more mature than AMber (as exhibited in this very scene)... NOT! God Lord, Bevin, you're TWENTY-EIGHT, not FORTY-EIGHT! GOI!
In one of the one-on-one dates, jeez, i cant remember her name, the 'other' stephanie i think, could barely form a sentence when Andy asked her about her career, dreams and future. Uhhhhhhhhh.... next!
Meanwhile, in the cliche "Pretty Woman" reinactment, Tessa received the one-on-one date complete with two million in diamonds and a stop off at Nicole Miller for a dress fitting of a princess before having a romantic date with Andy full throttle woo-ing her. I think this might actually be a first in Bachelor history that we've seen a bachelor CHASE a contestant. Nice going, Tessa.
so, at night's end Tina and Stephanie left the castle, rose-less and Andy-less.
This Diva predicts a showdown between Bevin and Tessa. And my ultimate Bachelor Finale prediction pegs Tessa as the one to win Andy's heart.
The Idol Gives Back show aired tonite with the focus on charity more than singing. Kudos for AI for using their super powers for good! To find out how you can help, visitIdol Gives Back.
I was grateful to not have to watch a another romper-roomish Ford commercial featuring the contestants. I TOTALLY agree with Diva 1 - Simon looked HOT! Seeing him be nice to poor children kind of made him half human.
My ears must need to be cleaned because I had the opposite reaction to every contestant than the judges. I LIKED Blake - they hated him. I thought Chris hit some blatantly off-key notes - they loved him. Ditto for Jordin, she sounded shaky and off to me and they loved her.
I DID like Phil this week - 1st time. Lakisha and Melinda didnt wow me. And again, I agree with D1, Paula was a little wack-a-doodle comparing Fantasia to Celine and Maria. (please do not interpret this as I like Celine - I don't!!)
Now that Sanjaya is gone I don't really care who goes home.. I think it's anyone's game at this point.
Meanwhile, Diva 3, who has been delinquent in posting, had dinner at the table next to my absolute FAVE singer of the moment, Corinne Bailey Rae and her entourage, at a fave UWS eatery known for yummy lychee mist martinis! Good think I wasnt there, I might have asked her to put her records on and sing...especially after a martini or ten.
on another reality note, Bachelor Andy Baldwin did a pretty good job of sending home the "crazies" on last nite's Bachelor. Bye-bye to Stephanie Kansas and her fake hooters, brunette who made funny faces and tall blonde chic whose name escapes me. Amber staying was a surprise to me. I don't like her. But clearly Andy does. Bevin's whining about her foot is tiresome. So far my bets are on Tessa, time will tell. Andy seems nice and all but he's got pointier and harder tits than Simon or me.
don't even get me started on 'Dancing with the Stars.' You know how I know that show's gay? a 40 yr old virgin told me!
Is Paula, apparently. If she's not auditioning for a role in the LA reprisal of Dreamgirls, which apparently she's not because those girls were on Dancing With the Stars tonight, then she had no business wearing all that glittery gold nonsense. And I'm sorry, but Fantasia is not -- despite Paula's pronouncement -- in the same league as Celine, Mariah and Whitney. She's starring in The Color Purple for crying out loud.
A few other nonsensical observations before Diva 1 gets down to biznass...
First, Simon was looking, in the immortal words of Austin Powers, "dead sexy" tonight, even if Diva 1 is certain that he was wearing parachute pants with that top. The Other Simon -- Le Bon that is -- called, and he wants you to stop raiding his Duran Duran museum. Second, last week's ridiculous claim of "the highest vote ever in a top 7 show" conclusively proves that, despite all claims, even die hard Idol fans have gotten a little idle with the dialing (or just plain bored with this year's contestants). Hence tonight's "extra" voting time. Diva 1 predicts it won't help. But tune in tomorrow anyway for "the highest vote ever in a top 6 contest with 3 women and 3 men singing inspirational tunes..." and Sanjaya, on Leno, wearing Paula's outfit.
And now, for the contestants:
Diva 1 agreed with the judges that Chris R. started the night off with a killer vocal and performance, even if it took him about 20 seconds to really get started. However, he looked like he was headed to the local sadie hawkins dance with the cargos and the suit coat. Killer jacket? Only if we're talking about his fashion sense.
Diva 1 agrees with Swollen Diva -- Melinda is phoning it in, and her outfit was no exception to the conclusion that this was just another day at the office for her. Beware, however. Hayley wore those same shoes, and she's gone. This may mean Melinda finds herself in the bottom for the first time tomorrow.
Diva 1 agrees again with Swollen Diva, and the judges, that Blake was rather boring tonight. Surprisingly, it's Diva 1's favorite vocal of his in the last few weeks even if it wasn't very original or exciting. Apparently singing John Lennon requires an "homage" jacket. And while the Divas are sure that Paula gets all "sensitive and emotional" about Blake, let's keep the comments to the song please!
Lakisha, Lakisha, Lakisha. As Swollen Diva notes, Diva 1 rightly warned about the folly of picking an Idol song. Two Idol songs + two weeks = bottom two.
Phil. Another great song choice, and great performance (albeit slightly less great than last week). I just wish he would quit dressing like a poor man's Frank Sinatra. The hat worked for bald Daniel Powter, a 35-ish no man who bolted to the peak of fame last year with his "Bad Day" song, and it can work for you Phil! Besides, even if your wife needs to wear an H&M dress (and she was), you have an army of stylists at your disposal. Use them, Diva 1 would!
Diva 1 hopes, however, that Simon's prediction comes true and Phil is around for a little while longer...
Finally, Jordin. Diva 1 was waiting for Randy's signature pronouncement: "it was a little pitchy in the beginning, and the end, but the middle was hot!" Is Diva 1 the ONLY one who sees this? We want to love her as much as SD, but I feel like she's not giving me much to work with... other than that dress! Where can I get one?!
Ah, what a great night of Idol. Honestly, I would not have cared if they all sang Whitney covers tonight. At least Sanjaya was gone. I loved that no one mentioned him, but I felt sure that's at least part of what Simon was referring to when he said that the competition really started tonight.
Are we ready to make finalist predictions?? Once again, I think Jordin has a strong chance to win it all. Everyone loves to see a contestant grow, and while Melinda is awesome, she's been unchangingly awesome from the first week. Jordin, on the other hand, has made a couple of stumbles, but in the last two weeks has pulled off those "rising music" performances that win Idol competitions.
Don't get me wrong, I loved Melinda's performance. She's mind-boggingly good. She is truly in a class by herself. But, honestly, she's too good for Idol. And that's why I don't think she'll win.
For once, I see what Diva One means about Blake being boring. I think he gave a solid performance, and I love the tone of his voice, but he hasn't been pulling out the "wow" factor needed at this stage in the competition.
And LaKeisha. *sigh* She needs to go for her sheer stupidity in picking yet another song from a former Idol. Good Lord, do these people not read Diva One's Lessons??? Hell, even PAULA told her it was a bad choice. Well, told her as much as Paula can.
I will probably just echo the feelings of my fellow Divas, and probably all of the hearing world, but PRAISE JESUS, the reign of terror/joke that is Sanjaya is FINALLY OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And not only that, drug-addled Jael finally got the boot from American's Next Top Model.
For the first time in many Wednesdays, I slept soundly, knowing that a few things were right in the world.
Diva 1, right there with you on your assessment of Country Night, except of course for your Blake bash. It was even MORE exciting given how the voting shook out. What a bottom three that was!! Blake and LaKeisha! Wowza.
LaKeisha did deserve her spot in the bottom. She has done nothing in weeks and weeks but prove that, as DH said from the beginning, she is a one-trick-pony. Her voice certainly has power, but no real range or versatility. And that power was all yelling on Tuesday- yelling at poor Baby Jesus that HE HAD BETTER COME AND TAKE THIS DAMN WHEEL, DAMMIT!! As Diva 1 so rightly pointed out, she broke the rules picking a former Idol's song, and although she won with that choice once, she got stung this time. I think her time on Idol is drawing to a close, she is just no match for Jordin or Melinda.
As much as I love Blake, he did kinda suck this week. But Diva 1 still shouldn't bash him! :) Was it me or was he horribly pitchy?? I was waiting for the judges to go in for the kill, but then they praised him? Even this Blake fan thought that was bizarre.
I also didn't think Jordin's vocals were all that. And I found her song choice oddly impudent. But once again Simon and I were sharing a brain. As her voice soared and she closed the song, I thought to myself "she could actually win this."
And just a few words about Phil- I still can't stand him, but I gotta him credit. He was AMAZING. Where has this guy been all season?? My jaw was on the floor. I kept checking myself- what, wait, this is Phil? This is country? But this is actually good??
I feel as if Idol is finally back on track- Diva 4 was correct, justice was finally served to Sanjaya, and we actually saw some interesting performances and growth among the contestants! This is shaping up to be an interesting battle!
Idol agreed was on the better side this week, but then this diva has a hankering for country. I LOVED jordin and Melinda... for me my top 2.
Sanjaya is getting more ridiculous every week and the bigger joke is that he seems so taken with himself. The only thing more tragic than Sanjaya tonite for me was Avril Lavigne's racoon eye make-up on Letterman. Someone please remove all makeup from her possession until the girl learns how to use it without offending defenseless wildlife.
Seacrest and Cowell got into some naughty bickering with Ryan practically coming to Sangina's defense. Is it me, or is this turning into a three-way?
and speaking of Letterman, for those who missed it, the 20-something geek who started the 'votefortheworst' website was a Tonight Show guest and is collecting his 15 minutes of fame. Apparently being the worst and voting for the worst clearly have their priveleges.
In other reality Tv news, Bachelor Officer Andy finally sent home Barbie Doll #2. Erin I think her name was. Her and her fast friend who went packing last week clearly took a wrong turn on their way to starring on "The Girls Next Door".
On Workout, Jackie is working out her lips juggling Rebecca and Tiffany.
And my favorite family, The Roloffs, celebrated Amy's Birthday and Molly's 13th birthday with some good old fashion cake.
Smokin' Stacey Swings Away, and Sunoco Sanjaya Strikes Out ...
Who would have ever thought that Country Week -- traditionally the most dreaded of Idol genres -- would prove to be the LEAST boring show to date? Certainly not this diva, much to her surprise and grateful thanks.
Diva 1 hates to begin by saying "I told you so" but she did say -- just last week -- that there was a performer somewhere inside of Phil Stacey. Stacey earned his highest praise ever, and rightfully so. Great vocal, great performance. Ok, bad outfit.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Georgia, there is a Sunoco gas station attendant who wants his outfit back and Bonnie Raitt wants all references to her name and Sanjaya's song stricken from the record books.
The Idols are also clearly not paying attention to the capital R Rules, as two more cardinal rules were broken: (1) never sing one of the mentor's songs, Jordin, and (2) never sing the song of a former Idol winner, Lakisha. Heed these words people! Even so...
Melinda Doolittle was back in fine form, giving the second best performance of the night. The hair extensions took YEARS off her appearance, even if the outfit was poorly chosen. One note, if Martina McBride hasn't heard the song, you can't call it "new." Hence no credit given for MD's unsubstantiated claims that this song, in fact, was recorded recently.
Jordin gets props for the third best performance of the evening in this Diva's book, although I did think it was a big nasally and tremulous. But she was dressed more like a Woodstock refugee and less like a country girl. I'll give her points, the outfit did look like it had wings (and a bit of the lame jacket she wore last week worked into the trim).
Lakisa gets props for the golden cowboy boots, the great makeup and the flattering dress. Nothing else.
Chris needs to give up his members only jackets, his nasal affection, and his cheesy camera side glare. I was reminded at points what a strong voice he has, but odds are he's in the bottom two given Hayley's absence, and the blinders the public seems to wear with respect to Sanjaya.
Last but not least, Blake. Again, I just don't get it -- he put the DULLin DULLSVILLE and the entire tv viewing population was staring up his nostrils again. We got red shoes last week for Latin week and he couldn't even muster a big belt buckle for country week? Even rascal flatts, the do gooders of country music wouldn't have worn that sweater (in fact the most conservative one just wed a playboy playmate). I expect a little less Hamptons and a little more bad boy if he's going to graduate from Boring Blake to Best.
Seriously, if things don't improve, Diva 1 could be out permanently!
Diva 1 is back in full stride following last week's hiatus (due to internet problems and Easter weekend) with this week's Idol Lessons. What DID we learn?
(1) If it wasn't written or sun by Gloria Estefan or Santana, its not Latin music. Seriously folks, five of tonight's eight songs were written and/or made famous by these two performers. Has no one heard of Celia Cruz (who got an honorable shout out from the Dawg), Julio Iglesias or Perry Como? Even Jon Secada (a former back up singer for the previously-referenced Estefan) recorded into the 90s and Julio's son sang in this decade. I'm even pretty sure that Charo had some music that might have been better choices than tonight's selection. And bonus points to anyone who knows who made Besame Mucho a "hit" song...
(2) Latin music requires a major in the color red, and a minor in animal prints. Seriously, count it up. Three contestants wore red tonight: Lakisha, Chris (who seriously looked like he stepped out of the Thriller video), and Blake (even the shoes). Three contestants wore seriously red lipstick: Melinda, Hayley, and Jordin. Multiple people wore some kind of printed clothing: Lakisha, Hayley, Chris and Sanjaya.
(3) Latin music is boring. At least when sung by American Idols. To wit:
Melinda looked like an old woman, fresh from the funeral home, and sung Sway as if it was a dirge. Michael Buble, who was just on last week, released this last year and it was totally fresh. The Pussycat Dolls sing it, and actually sound (a) like they're singing and (b) sweetly sexy. Take notes MD.
Our wedding singer was back, and proved that even satin camel toe cannot distract the judges from her lack of talent.
Jordin once again looked like she through a lame stage coat over her waitress' uniform to make it to the stage on time. Didn't get the judges' ravings, and I didn't think it sounded at all like Michael Jackson -- proving that JLo is not the end all be all of musical advice.
Blake started off intriguing, but ended up blank. Chris, in my opinion, is kicking his beat-boxing butt and had the hottest performance of the night.
As for Sanjaya, I now know what a woman with a mustache looks like. Thank you Mr. Malakar. Is it really a compliment when all the judges can say is, "well, it didn't totally s*ck?"
Finally, Diva 1 thinks Phil Stacey is not getting his due -- great vocal tonight, and great song choice. Better movement on stage. There IS a performer in there somewhere.
Until tomorrow, Diva 1 out
ps -- Watch Dancing with the Stars. Joey FatOne rules!