The Magical Mystery Tour de Force ~ Takin’ it to the Streets of Austin with their Newly Crowned Pick-up Artist Protégé Kosmo

Congratulations to Kosmo for earning the final medallion. I’m not sure what specifically the design on it represents (honor, greatness, bravery, Celtic love). However, I do know that Kosmo IS the Pick-Up Artist (PUA).

As such, he will be touring the globe with the freaky fishnet-top wearing super serious Mystery and his douche bag wingmen, Snoopdog & the other one, or is it Matador and Snoopy, no wait, it’s Matador and J-Dog. I bet they need to spit some mad game when they open a set and introduce themselves with those names. It’s a good thing they have the title and skills of a Master PUA to their credit, otherwise, could be a slippery slope that one.

Back to the Mystery Man. Didn’t Mr. M get the last note that got passed around the entire home room class of the last 80’s romantic teen angst movie probably starring Molly Ringwald, Emilio Estevez, Anthony Michael Hall, Andrew McCarthy, Rob Lowe, Judd Nelson, Ally Sheedy and all the other brat packers. The note said, in case you were wondering M, “In the future there will be no more fishnet tops unless you are performing or marching in the gay pride parade which btw is totally cool with us if that’s what you’re into (although our bone-head Principal Richard Vernon, all the unreformed a-hole jocks, the snooty princess debutants, and just general resident high school jerks wouldn’t agree but we and the super cool janitor think their crazy). Let’s remember to always be excellent to each other!!.” Well, the note went something like that anyway. I digress…

Seriously though, as much as I kid and well, throw some zingers out to this misfit crew of crusaders (and I’m not talking about the students or AFCs – that’s average frustrated chumps if you’re nasty or Janet Jackson or ignorant to PUA lingo), they are really doing a lot of good out there. I mean when you strip it down, this show really offered up some smart heartfelt behavioral psychology. The team of nerdy & seriously social/female-phobic guys really turned around.

With the help of Mystery & his crew of Joes & Hoes these guys developed healthy self-esteem and the ability to function and succeed in social situations with women. We got the chance to witness these transformations as their phobias and negative self-images melted away. Joe D. seemed most moved by the whole experience and it was really cool to see how great he felt at the end. God bless him, he just needs to come up with some better ‘threads’. Anyone who has been watching the show knows that’s not 70’s hippy-speak for clothes. There’s been more girl-on-girl combat in Austin over some dude named George. Who is this George? And what is he doing to the female populous in this otherwise peaceful, loving, politically evolved anti-Bush “war no more” capital of Texas.


On another note, in all fairness, I think Brady got side swiped when Kosmo was crowned King of the Chumps. He should have gotten a bit more camera time and kudos from M & the gang. Just a “hey man, close but no medallion, job well done, you’re awesome and will go far dude” would have been nice, then they could throw their arms around Kosmo in a very heterosexual manly way.


There have been many postings/rumors/possible truths about how Kosmo and Brady were “cast” - as in they’re actors/models. According to these commentators, it was no accident that they ended up as the final two. Not sure about all that and quite frankly I’m not so sure I care either way.

I got a lot out of this show. In addition to the shear entertainment value, picking up some fun new vocabulary (that probably won’t make it into Webster’s anytime soon) I learned some things that I believe even I can work on in my interactions with men. You know, I can DHV with my positive Avatar that will encourage men to throw Gambit my way giving me the IOI which might turn me into a Pivot if I am interested as well at which point I may deliver the IOI that might lead to KINO escalation that might deliver some good vibrations leading to a Bouncing situation back to his/my place where we can physically negotiate compliance testing as we KINO escalate into a possibly heavenly state of nonverbal communication otherwise known as SEX or six if you’re Bret McKenzie from Flight of the Concords. I’d love to share some KINO with that luscious KIWI any day, any night, any where!!!! Oops, I digress again! What am I apologizing for? This is my damn blog, I do what I want. How’s that for DHV!! Peace & Love Y’all!


Diva 3 outtie!!


P.s. Translations PUA-speak to English.

AFC – Average Frustrated Chumps

Avatar – Persona, Image

Bounce – Change locations

Compliance Test – Checking Comfort Level

DVH – Demonstration of Higher Value

Gambit – A conversation starter

IOIs – Indicators of Interest Nonverbal signs that show that a woman is attracted to you

IODs – Indicators of Disinterest – nonverbal signs that show that a woman isn’t attracted to you

KINO – Physical touch, or kinesthetic

Moving Targets – Sets that are in motion

Multiple Threading – Weaving between various stories

Neg – Playful form of teasing

Niquito – Chick Magnet

Pivot – A woman who assists in opening sets

Qualifying – The act of trying to prove to someone how worthy you are

Roll off – Showing disinterest by turning body

Set – Group of people

Stacking – Moving from one story to another

Thread – Line of Conversation

Two Set – two people


Oh, and by the way, back to Bret McKenzie, cutest Kiwi ever. New Zealanders are often referred to as Kiwis after the national kiwi bird, that is, not surprisingly the cutest bird ever!

Watch Kosmo get Krowned:


Technorati Tags: mystery, the pickup artist season finale, reality tv, 17 divas,kosmo,the pickup artist,the pick up artist, brady,flight of the conchords, bret mckenzie, j-dog,matador

Kosmo is King!

I was sad and forlorn that my Sunday Night double HBOgasm of Entourage and Flight of the Conchords was gone from my life last nite. But was slowly consoled by tonite's reality tv buffet - no I did not watch Dancing with the Stars- I'll leave my fellow divas to talk that one. But btw the PUA finale and the new Bachelor this Diva was in hog heaven.

On the pickup artist season finale Kosmo beat Brady for the title and last medallion. As the two finalists had 8 hours to make-over an AFC and transform him from chimp to pimp in a day, surprisingly both student's students couch closed and number closed. Kind of makes you wonder why it took Mystery weeks to get some of his students to do what Brady and Kosmo got their chumps to do in a day. Despite a stellar performance and what seemed a head-to-head competition, Kosmo was awarded the final medallion and the title forever on his resume - Master Pickup Artist. He will now travel the globe with Mystery, J Dog and Matador perfecting his techniques and wooing women from sea to shining sea.

and so we leave Austin city limits but not much and head to the newest Bachelor featuring Brad, a multiple bar owner from Austin. Now let me just say that I am a bit disturbed that there have now been 3 Bachelors in a row - it used to be they'd alternate Bachelor then Bachelorette. Now us Divas all know that there is NO shortage of single females thus making this somewhat inexcuseable. Plus, I'd rather watch 20 guys than 1.

Ok, so Brad - who seems scared and wide-eyed meets and greets and kisses the lot. And the fashion police need to raid the mansion there was a high percentage of BAD fashion - a majority of these dresses were unflattering and ill-fitting. people, people do you not have a mirror?

So it's Brad the Bachelor, with standout future Mrs. Brad wannabe's who include:

1. Jenni - who got the 1st impression rose due to her big smile and somewhat awkward dancing.

2. Morgan - who to the delight of Brad, showed him her webbed toes. (sweet!)

3. The Contortionist - name forgotten but her bending her body so her mouth met her crotch - not so much unforgetttable.

4. Chicken Cutlets Anyone? - this being the bachelorette who stuffed her dress with faux boobs only to have one of them fall out and end up on the cocktail table.

5. Mallory - who turned into a mermaid ditching her evening gown for the bathing suit competition and having a 1 person pool party where she proceeded to tell the Bachelor that he should drop his pants and join her.

This is the 2nd season in a row that hints at trouble in reality paradise with foreshadowing of an ambulance - you'll all recall how the ambulance made an appearance in the Andy the Bachelor show when Bevin fell and broke her ankle.

blah , blah blah and then 10 women were sent home.

-diva 4

Technorati Tags: mystery, the pickup artist season finale, reality tv, 17 divas,the bachelor,kosmo,brad the bachelor,the pickup artist

Mystery Meat

Go on, admit it, I'm not the only waiting in anticipation of The Pickup Artist's season finale Monday nite - you know you are!

I don't know what rock they found him under in Canada, but some guy named Mystery ( oooh that's so mysterious, can I sleep with you?) contends to be a master pick up artist and together with his sidekicks try to teach a class of average shmo's - not joes - how to get it on with women.

For those of you who have not been paying attention the last few weeks here's the 411:

1. The Mystery

Some Canadian dude, (ey) who goes by the name Mystery (think Flavor of Love meets Tommy Lee meets The Red Barron) who is a self-proclaimed pick-up artist. Able to hump women in record time, bounce them from the grocery store checkout to the motel6 in under 20 minutes, he brings new meaning to Justin Timberlake's lyrics, "I'll have you naked by the end of this song."

2. The Sidekicks

Matador and J Dog are Mystery's celebrated proteges from years gone by. The three of them are pretty proud of themselves. There's enough ego hear to sink a ship.

3. The Students

What started out 8 scared male virgins has narrowed down to the final 2 in the ultimate face-off to find the NEXT master pickup artist. These guys are hilarious and the biggest group of cry babies this side of the pediatric ward. Sobbing and hand-holding at elimination ceremonies, these nerds have taken bonding to a new level. But good for them, nothing says sexy like a man who's not afraid to cry.

Joe D might in fact be the most lovable loser - a social misfit living in his parents basement who is refreshingly comfortable in his skin (he's not lean) and who against all odds made it down to the final 3. Then there was Pradeep - fun to say, but not so fun to listen to. An over-thinker who doesn't know when to shut up or recognize when a woman is blatantly blowing him off.

4. The Location

Austin, Texas seems to be the proud city hosting this reality show-tacular. Lucky women of Austin have had to deal with some pretty mad game.

5. The Lingo

Any good reality show knows that it has to give the pop-culture fanatics something to chew on - lingo, language, show-isms that will live on and roll off the tongues of fans long after the show has been cancelled. The pickup artist might actually have some of the most memorable lip smack you've ever heard. It is with laughter and astonishment that you listen to these Pickup Artists use their made-up terminology with such serious delivery. Prime example is when during a field test Mystery and Matador are watching a student's performance in a bar and Matador blurbs, "I can't believe him, that was the perfect time to kino escalate!" (LMAO) And since you're now asking yourself what the hell is that, we bring you the Pickup Artist Terms and Chatter:

Set - Group of People

IOI - Indicator of Interest

IOD - Indicator of Disinterest

Kino - Kinesthetic "touch"

Kino Escalate - Increased Kino

Neg - Playful teasing

Bounce - Immediate "Date" at another Location

Kiss Close - Kiss your Target

Number Close - Get the Digits of Your Target


5. The Lessons

These are some of the shortest classes I've ever attended - but I guess these geeks get the point. Standout lessons from Season 1 include: Listening to what a woman wants, How to pick up a moving target, How to pickup a stripper, a 411 on Ladies Lingerie, How to Kiss and of course, How to Spit Mad Game.

6. The Field Tests

After each love lesson the men are sent into the field to be tested on what they learned. The field tests are where we get to watch these guys crash and burn or score in an actual bar or social venue.

Highlight field tests included the Blindfolded kiss test where the students were judged on their kissing skills by Mystery's blindfolded friend, Tara. Then there was the lingerie shopping test where after viewing a lingerie fashion show starring Tara and another lady, the guys had to go shopping for them keeping in mind the things they said they liked or didn't like (otherwise known as the Listening test).

The moving target test caused them all to bite it as they attempted to pick up women moving, running and biking on the bridge in Austin against numerous obstacles. Surprisingly the guys as a unit had the most success in Expose, an Austin exotic dance club, where Brady even Bounced a dancer into the limo outside and totally "scored."

What is perhaps the most comical moments in these field tests is to hear each contestant spit the same pickup lines over and over and over. It's like once they marry themselves to a "shtick" they stick with it. Like Brady - whose signature pickup schpeal is "Can I ask you something - It's a very important question, very important - Do you floss BEFORE or AFTER you brush?" or Joe D - whose signature conversation starter goes, "Oh my god, did you see that fight outside? Yeah there were these two women going at it over some guy! You didnt see that?" (side note: Fake fights in Austin rose 90% for the duration of filming.)


7. The Medallions

At each elimination ceremony the geek squad is awarded medallions. On Flavor of Love the contestants get clocks, on the Bachelor they get a rose, on Survivor they get food other than a bug to eat. These Pickup Artist Medallions are color-coded and each color has a very meaningful symbol and of course, technical name which I cannot recall, nor will you.

8. The Final Showdown

The Pickup Artist season finale pits Brady versus Kosmo left to battle it out for the cash prize of $50,000 and the priceless award of traveling and continuing their mentorship with Mystery and his entourage. You'd think a lifetime supply of condoms would be a more appropriate prize given the context of the challenge. But the winner will have to cough up the cash for those himself.

***********

Learn how to pick up a moving target now:



-d4

Technorati Tags: mystery, the pickup artist, reality tv, 17 divas,matador,how to pick up women,pick up artist

Hey! Nielsen - Thanks!

A big thanks to Hey! Nielsen for nominating us for their 1st Annual TV BLOG CONTEST.

Like our blog? Vote for us:



Technorati Tags: hey nielson, blog contests, best tv blog contest, 17 divas

Never eat oreos again

this disgusting new Domino's commercial features their newest "pie" the oreo dessert pizza - it's enough to make you never eat an oreo again. thanks!



Technorati Tags: oreo pizza, dominos pizza, tv commercials, 17 divas

VMA's - One Big Train Wreck!

Not sure who was manning the helm at last night's VMA Awards, but the captain of the ship had a titanic tragedy on his/her hands! Starting off with the over-hyped Britney Spears' opening number - where, oh, where do you begin to comment on this truly misfortunate public display of unpreparedness and lapse in judgement. Britney opened the VMA's with what can only be categorized as a catatonic, lethargic and unprofessional performance of monsterous proportions!

Britney seemed completely out-of-it as she barely kept up with the lip-synching and dance steps. It was as if she were doing a first-run through of this in her basement. I've seen more life in a piece of fruit. Even the dozen dancers around her couldn't camouflouge her lacklusterness. Dressed in no more than a bikini, Britney's costume only added to her fiasco, highlighing her not-so-rock-hard abs and body language that all but said, "Are we done yet?"

As bad as Britney was she can take comfort in the fact that she was not the worst part of the VMAs.... that award goes to the ever-irritating and inappropriate Sarah Silverman who had the difficult task of being the act immediately following Britney. If the show hadn't already been killed in the first 2 minutes, Sarah Silverman stabbed a few more knives into the corpse. You could hear a pin drop and see the disgusted looks on the faces of those in the audience as Ms. Silverman attempted her off-beat, poorly-timed humor to zero laughs and crickets...lots and lots of crickets!

I cannot comment further on the VMA's as that's the point at which I turned the channel.

Technorati Tags: vma awards, vma, britney spears, britney on vma awards, britney, sarah silverman