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Cookies for Everyone! David Cooks Wins American Idol

David Cook American Idol. America Gets it Right!

American Idol Judges Get it Wrong

Cook still melts MY Heart! He is THEE American Idol!

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American Idol Stars

Brooke and David Cook bringing it all again. These two are already seasoned musical artists. They have "it!" & I love them. Absolutely amazing!!

If keeps going like this I predict they will be the final two. They are both amazing and unique in their own way and will be stars regardless.

David Cook looking especially hot tonight! Brooke is just so Brooke, she knows who she is as a person and an artist and her raw talent and genuine emotion is beautiful to see. Love the no shoes.

Chikezie surprised me. Well done.

Michael Johns, still a big fan, but agreed with all the judges, he needs to bring it. His voice is awesome.

Miss Rocker Amanda what's her name rocked that new hair do. Was a great makeover for the most part and she gave a good performance I thought. Is she gay? Not that there's anything wrong with that but she was singing about being jealous some guy would get in the way b/w her and her love. oh, maybe she had stripper dude or Noriaga in her ming and she was afraid her man was actually gay and playing her like a fool being in love with another man. Anyway, I was confused. I think she should have changed the pronoun from 'he' to 'she'. Unless she is gay and worried her gay lover is going to go for a dude, or she is not gay but concerned her man is and is going for a dude. I should really edit this b/c I think this is beginning to ramble on saying the same things over again and it is definitely a bit "wordy"

The other performances were, as Simon would say, forgettable except for little David Archeleto's lack of "wordiness" forgetting the lyrics. He had what only a week to learn this song? oh, I sound mean and bitchy. He's only 17. He's learning.

Sorry for such a boring post, if you are even still awake and reading this my apologies. I'm sure I'll have another colorful poem about my undying love for David Cook again soon. You can count on that!

Diva 3 outtie


Technorati Tags: american idol, idol, david cook, 17 divas, brooke white, michael johns, amanda overmyer,david archuleta

David Cook, You Had Me at "Hello"!!

I think my feelings about American Idol this week can best be expressed through the following poem, written by me, Diva 3:

David Cook you make my stir fry
When you sing I let out a sigh
You've got me flying high
So happy we'd be together
if you'd just come on by (my door, "hello, is it me you're looking for?)

The fire's been lit, my cookies are done,
they are burnt & black but I'm not a maniac
I just wanna roll around with you in the sack
You can be my dog, 'ruff ruff' & I'll be your boo
I'll cook you breakfast, do you like tofu scramble too?

Keep on rockin' dog, represent the pound (you, Michael Johns, and Jason are the only dudes in it). You guys make Idol "worthy" (to use a word from the Simonary. His cousin Dick doesn't know what it means and neither do we, but who the bloody fuck cares).

There was more I had to say but David's performance eclipsed everything else for me for the most part and I'm bored at even the very thought of reviewing the others (more than half of which were not even memorable).

A couple last points, in addition to David Cook's absolutely inspired, creatively brilliant and magnificent performance, I think Jason's version of hallelujah was brilliant as well. David, Jason, and Michael are at the top, and David is at the tippy top (please reference the aformentioned notes and poems. That's pretty much how I feel, not entirely per se, but I don't have all day!.)

Also, can the psych medical triage team for Paula Abdul resolve their union issues, cross the f-ing picket line, and get back to work. She's going down and she's taking us all with her. It pains me so to see her babble in languages none of us understand...literally it does pain me...not just per se, like forreal!!

Obsessed DC Fan Diva 3 outtie ~ nighty night!!
(I need to watch DC's new rock ballad hit performance of Hello a few more times on youtube to help rock me to sleep, b/c in "my dreams I kiss his lips a thousand times"...I need to get enough REM time in, 1000 times you know is a lot!)

This wasn't a review per se, but it was in fact my point of view in case anyone gives a s@#$.

Technorati Tags: american idol, idol, david cook, 17 divas, paula abdul, michael johns, tv blog,jason castro

80s Night, Is Paula Feeling All Right??

Diva 1 reporting in on 80s week, Idol style and to echo a fellow Diva -- is anyone tired of this yet? This week's episodes, by and large, were insanely boring but for Paula's ridiculous ramblings and amazing transformation from tuesday's spanish rose to wednesday's tory burch wearing, hair medallion sporting soccer mom.

The general recap? Three Whitney songs (Chikezie, Asia'h and Syesha), one Celine song (David H. -- yes, all the reporters were too kind in reminding people that its a Meatloaf song since the last one to sing it was, in fact, Celine), too many pairs of highwaisted jeans to count, and at least two contestants who seem to think they can sing with their eyes closed and connect with America's home viewers.

The highlights? Jason Castro, weird elfen/Lord of the Rings hairdo aside; David Cook, who bravely made Lionel Richie current as something other than Nicole's father; and Amanda Overmeyer, the nurse/rocker who finally found a genre other than the 60s that offers her some song choices.

The lowlights? Danny Noriega, who moves like a teenage girl/cheerleader; Luke Menard, who forgot that even George Michael appeared somewhat engaging when singing Wake Me Up; Carly Smithson, who seems to have lost all semblance of personality; and Kristy Lee Cook, who simply leaves this Diva at a loss for words.

Tune in next week for more boring Idol-ers revelations... Yawn.

Diva 1 out

Technorati Tags: american idol, idol, jason castro, 17 divas, Chikezie, Asia'h, Syesha,Amanda Overmeyer

Slicin' and Dicin'- Let's Just Cut Them All!

Ok, maybe not ALL of them. But dang, I'd happily cut at least half of them right now and not even think twice.

I have to give Idol credit, though. They started this year off right. After all the uproar over the meanness of last year's audition phase, the judges were noticeably nicer and more constructive. I, for one, was VERY happy with this change. I don't watch Idol to make fun of delusional people, and I really don't watch it to see what kind of obviously planned over-the-top "me so crazy" act some jerk can come up with to get onto TV! Ok Ok, I am glad they left in a *few* delusional people this season- like the over-acting little spoiled brat Simon so rightly called out. But I thought over-all the auditions were pleasantly focused on the talent!

I have mixed feelings about this year's Hollywood week. While some of them may have liked getting the pass to the last day, I think it may have lulled some of them into a false sense of security and superiority. Josiah was clearly robbed, but I think the new process may have disadvantaged him.

My usual complaint with the first few weeks remains, though. They need to give all the members of the top 24 some kind of airtime and backstory. It happens every year- a few poor stiffs make it in that we've never ever seen before, then get cut almost immediately. Some of the unknowns do make it through, but it still doesn't seem fair. Especially with this year's long list of tragedies and sob stories. How could someone like Amy go up against a dead daddy, a sold horse, getting hit by a semi, or a lost voice?? It was a hopeless cause. Based on this theory, I guessed either Amy, Alexandrea, or one of the blond chicks would be gone.

Which brings us to this week's performances and cuts. I'll admit my earlier complaint doesn't hold exactly true. I do admit that, yes, Amy pretty much sucked and deserved to go home. But I feel bad- all the way to the top 24 and we know NOTHING about her. I know way more than I want to about perfectly average Carly. I was so glad Simon brought her down a notch. I kinda like her, but I'm sick of the hype. And her awful sperm eye-brows.

What was really too bad is we did have back story on Joanne, she seemed likable, had a pretty good performance, and yet, she got sent home. WTF people? Is this going to be one of those wonky years when I feel I have to vote for hours to balance out all the crazy people voting for no-talent brats??

OK, so if I could cull the herd now, who would I cut? Heck it might be easier to say who I'd like to see stay. LOL

But seriously, first on the chopping block would be the unbelievably, mind-bogglingly awful and obnoxious Danny Noriega. I see kids like him and I want to weep for the future, to steal a line from a movie that will age me, Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Maybe I am getting too old for Idol?

I would also love to wave good-bye to David Cook (way too wanna-be cool), Jason Yeager (just too cheesy and awful for words), and Luke (wait, he's even MORE cheesy and awful, although easier on the eyes). For the girls, I'd get rid of one of the blond girls, but I'm seriously not sure who is who.

I'm pulling for Amanda to start making some better song choices, I love her voice. I do want to re-do her rocker-chick look. I would still make her look rocker- just better.

On the other end of the spectrum, I'm oddly intrigued by Brooke White. I usually hate these kind of people. But she's pure without being the slightest bit preachy. A rare combination. In that vein, can I just say how happy I was that awful abstinence preacher girl got cut!! Although I did feel bad she's getting taken for a ride by her "coach," the former Idol contestant. Wow.

I'm waiting for great things from David A, David H, Jason, and of course, Michael Johns. His version of Bohemian Rhapsody was mind-blowing. I want more like that, I agreed with Simon, that was better than this week's Doors cover. If Chikezie can get it together, he could really surprise us.

Another thing I'm struck by is how many of this year's contestants tried out, and failed at various points, in previous years. How far can you get before they say you can't come back?? It is a *little* ridiculous. Not to mention those who have previous record contracts and touring experience.

But despite any disappointments, I can't wait for next week!

Mommy Diva Out! (I can't remember my number- who am I??)


Technorati Tags: american idol, idol, ai, 17 divas, hollywood week, david cook, tv blog,danny noriega

Idol With a Vengeance!

Yes, ladies and gents, the long-awaited, post-Super Bowl schmorgasborg of American Idol has returned -- and with it, more diva-licious observations from your favorite reality tv mavens.

This year brings even more sad stories than usual. Diva 1 counted in just two shows (Hollywood week and Miami) 2 very recent patriarchal deaths, one heroic crash survivor, one more recent and slightly less tragic crash survivor (given that the show prominently featured her riding her motorcycle with reckless abandon), 3 janis joplin impersonaters (2 of whom were also in the crash survivor category), 1 beauty queen, immigration problems, innumerable "this is my last chance"-ers and too many single parents to count (including one refreshingly single dad -- doesn't anyone else besides Diva 1 wonder why the single pops never turn out for reality tv?).

This year's crop of potential American Idols include (to name a few): a nurse, a plus-size model, a former boy bander from miami, a 16-year-old, a rastafarian (at least by looks), a daughtry-wannabe, an Irish girl and an Australian mate. In usual form, we saw too little of half of the members of "our" top 24 to cast odds or truly pick a front runner, although I think many will keep an eye on Carly (the irish girl allergic to her dog) and David Hernandez (a Simon pronouncement that one will have to work harder is always a good sign) -- front runners if any are to be had.

Diva 1 would be uttterly remiss if she didn't note Idol's hugest mistake to date -- sending Josiah home without a ticket to the top 24. The child had more talent in his pinky that last year's boring, beat-boxing, boy-bander Blake and an interesting tonal quality to his voice. Not to mention a story made for sweeps week. Diva 1 is sure she wasn't the only one to discover that THIS was not the decision that Simon utterly disagreed with...

Anyhooo, stay tuned as the Divas gear up for another scandal-filled season of American Idol, with forays into all of your other "faves" of the season -- including Flavor of Love, Rock of Love and any other truly tragic excuse we can find not to do our real work!

Diva 1 out

Technorati Tags: american idol, idol, hollywood week, 17 divas

The Dancing Diva Returns ... With a Danke Schoen to Wayne

Yes, fellow divas, Diva 1 has been on a work-imposed hiatus but she returns this week for a brief recap of this seasons' dances and departures on the ABC hit Dancing With the Stars. We'll take them by contender, and recap accordingly...

This season, Cheeseball, I mean Cheetah Girl Sabrina Bryan has proven (outside of pro dancer Julianne Hough) to be the series' first-ever contender under the age of 30. And, say what you will about her nerve and/or fashion sense, even Diva 1 has to admit that her opening cha-cha and this week's jailbait jive have proven that the girl has the drive and stamina to take this all the way -- provided that her Disney fan base isn't distracted from voting when the Hannah Montana tour comes to town.

Diva 1's taste however veers to Mel B, the salaciously scary Spice Girl of yore. Who would have guessed the woman who gave us "zig-ah-zig-ah" would prove to be a ballroom dancer with sizzle AND style? Pairing Mel B with Maks was a brilliant move on ABC's part and so far her cha-cha, quickstep and jive have evoked last year's pairing with Laila Ali. Thankfully, however, Mel B is even more talented, has a personality that comes straight through your tv, and has already managed to render Maks shirtless.

Dr. Quinn, aka Jane Seymour, topped the leader board this week with a smooth and sultry tango. Diva 1 believes that the judges last week were far too harsh on Jane's mambo and that this week proves that, like a fine wine, actors and dancers only improve with age. Diva 1 is betting that between the 007 afficionados who keep Bond week alive and strong on Spike TV, the Dr. Quinn set and recent viewers of the Wedding Crashers, Ms. Seymour will be around for weeks to come.

Rounding out the top four is Helio Castroneves, the brazilian racer with a smile of gold. Helio's enthusiasm and charm show in each and every dance, and he's managed to be the only person who looks awkward in practice but actually manages to keep up step for step with his partner Julianne come race day. Here's hoping that all the Indy fans are watching with their wives so Helio sticks around!

Stuck somewhere in the middle are Jennie Garth and Floyd Mayweather. Jennie's appearance was a bit of a shock to Diva 1 since she is the only 90210 alum to work steadily since the show's demise. Apparently, a hit show on the CW is still not enough to keep JG from riding the coattails of DWS Ian Ziering style. So far, Jennie's dancing is bland and many viewers are left only with noticing her gigantic teeth and tense mouth. This week's tango was a marginal improvement however and, if she applies herself, she could stick around. Same goes for Floyd who, for starters, has to realize that in order to jive, one must take their feet off the ground .(Seriously, did anyone other than Diva 1 notice that?!) Floyd is saddled with a seriously sour partner (Karina) and an attitude that rivals his partner's fury, leading one to the conclusion that despite his repeat label as "a contender" he could be "return to sender" soon.

In the bottom, we have Cameron Mathison, who seems content on proving (1) that soap stars are FAR more dull than their onscreen personas and (2) that Edyta's seemingly endless supply of sheer and slit-to-here gowns are not all that it takes to win the coveted mirror ball. Cameron broke out of dullsville for about 10 seconds in last night's tango but his promise quickly faded like the blush on a red red rose.

We also have Mark Cuban, who in 3 shows has proven that DWS gets better results than Jenny Craig and that, if effort was based on facial expression, it would be graded all As. Diva 1 can't help but respect his desire, but suspects that unless he starts buying some votes, disgruntled Mavericks fans will soon quit dialing.

Last but not least in the current contenders, is Marie Osmond -- aka the most annoying woman on the planet. All Diva 1 can say is, (1) how does one decide that their profession is "entertainer" and (2) where do they get her undergarments? All that spandex would certainly make Diva 1 look like a size 2, and she needs them stat!

Finally, and thankfully, as of this evening, we have been given the last dance of Wayne Newton -- while Cheryl is thanking her lucky stars that her toe will remain intact, the rest of us will be thanking ABC for not subjecting us to any more close ups of his orange, botoxed face. Danke Schoen ABC!

Diva 1 out, and mourning the loss of eye candy Albert Reed...

Technorati Tags: dancing with the stars, sabrina bryan, marie osmond, 17 divas,Jane Seymour,Helio Castroneves,Jennie Garth, Mark Cuban,dws, abc, tv,Cameron Mathison

The Magical Mystery Tour de Force ~ Takin’ it to the Streets of Austin with their Newly Crowned Pick-up Artist Protégé Kosmo

Congratulations to Kosmo for earning the final medallion. I’m not sure what specifically the design on it represents (honor, greatness, bravery, Celtic love). However, I do know that Kosmo IS the Pick-Up Artist (PUA).

As such, he will be touring the globe with the freaky fishnet-top wearing super serious Mystery and his douche bag wingmen, Snoopdog & the other one, or is it Matador and Snoopy, no wait, it’s Matador and J-Dog. I bet they need to spit some mad game when they open a set and introduce themselves with those names. It’s a good thing they have the title and skills of a Master PUA to their credit, otherwise, could be a slippery slope that one.

Back to the Mystery Man. Didn’t Mr. M get the last note that got passed around the entire home room class of the last 80’s romantic teen angst movie probably starring Molly Ringwald, Emilio Estevez, Anthony Michael Hall, Andrew McCarthy, Rob Lowe, Judd Nelson, Ally Sheedy and all the other brat packers. The note said, in case you were wondering M, “In the future there will be no more fishnet tops unless you are performing or marching in the gay pride parade which btw is totally cool with us if that’s what you’re into (although our bone-head Principal Richard Vernon, all the unreformed a-hole jocks, the snooty princess debutants, and just general resident high school jerks wouldn’t agree but we and the super cool janitor think their crazy). Let’s remember to always be excellent to each other!!.” Well, the note went something like that anyway. I digress…

Seriously though, as much as I kid and well, throw some zingers out to this misfit crew of crusaders (and I’m not talking about the students or AFCs – that’s average frustrated chumps if you’re nasty or Janet Jackson or ignorant to PUA lingo), they are really doing a lot of good out there. I mean when you strip it down, this show really offered up some smart heartfelt behavioral psychology. The team of nerdy & seriously social/female-phobic guys really turned around.

With the help of Mystery & his crew of Joes & Hoes these guys developed healthy self-esteem and the ability to function and succeed in social situations with women. We got the chance to witness these transformations as their phobias and negative self-images melted away. Joe D. seemed most moved by the whole experience and it was really cool to see how great he felt at the end. God bless him, he just needs to come up with some better ‘threads’. Anyone who has been watching the show knows that’s not 70’s hippy-speak for clothes. There’s been more girl-on-girl combat in Austin over some dude named George. Who is this George? And what is he doing to the female populous in this otherwise peaceful, loving, politically evolved anti-Bush “war no more” capital of Texas.


On another note, in all fairness, I think Brady got side swiped when Kosmo was crowned King of the Chumps. He should have gotten a bit more camera time and kudos from M & the gang. Just a “hey man, close but no medallion, job well done, you’re awesome and will go far dude” would have been nice, then they could throw their arms around Kosmo in a very heterosexual manly way.


There have been many postings/rumors/possible truths about how Kosmo and Brady were “cast” - as in they’re actors/models. According to these commentators, it was no accident that they ended up as the final two. Not sure about all that and quite frankly I’m not so sure I care either way.

I got a lot out of this show. In addition to the shear entertainment value, picking up some fun new vocabulary (that probably won’t make it into Webster’s anytime soon) I learned some things that I believe even I can work on in my interactions with men. You know, I can DHV with my positive Avatar that will encourage men to throw Gambit my way giving me the IOI which might turn me into a Pivot if I am interested as well at which point I may deliver the IOI that might lead to KINO escalation that might deliver some good vibrations leading to a Bouncing situation back to his/my place where we can physically negotiate compliance testing as we KINO escalate into a possibly heavenly state of nonverbal communication otherwise known as SEX or six if you’re Bret McKenzie from Flight of the Concords. I’d love to share some KINO with that luscious KIWI any day, any night, any where!!!! Oops, I digress again! What am I apologizing for? This is my damn blog, I do what I want. How’s that for DHV!! Peace & Love Y’all!


Diva 3 outtie!!


P.s. Translations PUA-speak to English.

AFC – Average Frustrated Chumps

Avatar – Persona, Image

Bounce – Change locations

Compliance Test – Checking Comfort Level

DVH – Demonstration of Higher Value

Gambit – A conversation starter

IOIs – Indicators of Interest Nonverbal signs that show that a woman is attracted to you

IODs – Indicators of Disinterest – nonverbal signs that show that a woman isn’t attracted to you

KINO – Physical touch, or kinesthetic

Moving Targets – Sets that are in motion

Multiple Threading – Weaving between various stories

Neg – Playful form of teasing

Niquito – Chick Magnet

Pivot – A woman who assists in opening sets

Qualifying – The act of trying to prove to someone how worthy you are

Roll off – Showing disinterest by turning body

Set – Group of people

Stacking – Moving from one story to another

Thread – Line of Conversation

Two Set – two people


Oh, and by the way, back to Bret McKenzie, cutest Kiwi ever. New Zealanders are often referred to as Kiwis after the national kiwi bird, that is, not surprisingly the cutest bird ever!

Watch Kosmo get Krowned:


Technorati Tags: mystery, the pickup artist season finale, reality tv, 17 divas,kosmo,the pickup artist,the pick up artist, brady,flight of the conchords, bret mckenzie, j-dog,matador

Kosmo is King!

I was sad and forlorn that my Sunday Night double HBOgasm of Entourage and Flight of the Conchords was gone from my life last nite. But was slowly consoled by tonite's reality tv buffet - no I did not watch Dancing with the Stars- I'll leave my fellow divas to talk that one. But btw the PUA finale and the new Bachelor this Diva was in hog heaven.

On the pickup artist season finale Kosmo beat Brady for the title and last medallion. As the two finalists had 8 hours to make-over an AFC and transform him from chimp to pimp in a day, surprisingly both student's students couch closed and number closed. Kind of makes you wonder why it took Mystery weeks to get some of his students to do what Brady and Kosmo got their chumps to do in a day. Despite a stellar performance and what seemed a head-to-head competition, Kosmo was awarded the final medallion and the title forever on his resume - Master Pickup Artist. He will now travel the globe with Mystery, J Dog and Matador perfecting his techniques and wooing women from sea to shining sea.

and so we leave Austin city limits but not much and head to the newest Bachelor featuring Brad, a multiple bar owner from Austin. Now let me just say that I am a bit disturbed that there have now been 3 Bachelors in a row - it used to be they'd alternate Bachelor then Bachelorette. Now us Divas all know that there is NO shortage of single females thus making this somewhat inexcuseable. Plus, I'd rather watch 20 guys than 1.

Ok, so Brad - who seems scared and wide-eyed meets and greets and kisses the lot. And the fashion police need to raid the mansion there was a high percentage of BAD fashion - a majority of these dresses were unflattering and ill-fitting. people, people do you not have a mirror?

So it's Brad the Bachelor, with standout future Mrs. Brad wannabe's who include:

1. Jenni - who got the 1st impression rose due to her big smile and somewhat awkward dancing.

2. Morgan - who to the delight of Brad, showed him her webbed toes. (sweet!)

3. The Contortionist - name forgotten but her bending her body so her mouth met her crotch - not so much unforgetttable.

4. Chicken Cutlets Anyone? - this being the bachelorette who stuffed her dress with faux boobs only to have one of them fall out and end up on the cocktail table.

5. Mallory - who turned into a mermaid ditching her evening gown for the bathing suit competition and having a 1 person pool party where she proceeded to tell the Bachelor that he should drop his pants and join her.

This is the 2nd season in a row that hints at trouble in reality paradise with foreshadowing of an ambulance - you'll all recall how the ambulance made an appearance in the Andy the Bachelor show when Bevin fell and broke her ankle.

blah , blah blah and then 10 women were sent home.

-diva 4

Technorati Tags: mystery, the pickup artist season finale, reality tv, 17 divas,the bachelor,kosmo,brad the bachelor,the pickup artist

Mystery Meat

Go on, admit it, I'm not the only waiting in anticipation of The Pickup Artist's season finale Monday nite - you know you are!

I don't know what rock they found him under in Canada, but some guy named Mystery ( oooh that's so mysterious, can I sleep with you?) contends to be a master pick up artist and together with his sidekicks try to teach a class of average shmo's - not joes - how to get it on with women.

For those of you who have not been paying attention the last few weeks here's the 411:

1. The Mystery

Some Canadian dude, (ey) who goes by the name Mystery (think Flavor of Love meets Tommy Lee meets The Red Barron) who is a self-proclaimed pick-up artist. Able to hump women in record time, bounce them from the grocery store checkout to the motel6 in under 20 minutes, he brings new meaning to Justin Timberlake's lyrics, "I'll have you naked by the end of this song."

2. The Sidekicks

Matador and J Dog are Mystery's celebrated proteges from years gone by. The three of them are pretty proud of themselves. There's enough ego hear to sink a ship.

3. The Students

What started out 8 scared male virgins has narrowed down to the final 2 in the ultimate face-off to find the NEXT master pickup artist. These guys are hilarious and the biggest group of cry babies this side of the pediatric ward. Sobbing and hand-holding at elimination ceremonies, these nerds have taken bonding to a new level. But good for them, nothing says sexy like a man who's not afraid to cry.

Joe D might in fact be the most lovable loser - a social misfit living in his parents basement who is refreshingly comfortable in his skin (he's not lean) and who against all odds made it down to the final 3. Then there was Pradeep - fun to say, but not so fun to listen to. An over-thinker who doesn't know when to shut up or recognize when a woman is blatantly blowing him off.

4. The Location

Austin, Texas seems to be the proud city hosting this reality show-tacular. Lucky women of Austin have had to deal with some pretty mad game.

5. The Lingo

Any good reality show knows that it has to give the pop-culture fanatics something to chew on - lingo, language, show-isms that will live on and roll off the tongues of fans long after the show has been cancelled. The pickup artist might actually have some of the most memorable lip smack you've ever heard. It is with laughter and astonishment that you listen to these Pickup Artists use their made-up terminology with such serious delivery. Prime example is when during a field test Mystery and Matador are watching a student's performance in a bar and Matador blurbs, "I can't believe him, that was the perfect time to kino escalate!" (LMAO) And since you're now asking yourself what the hell is that, we bring you the Pickup Artist Terms and Chatter:

Set - Group of People

IOI - Indicator of Interest

IOD - Indicator of Disinterest

Kino - Kinesthetic "touch"

Kino Escalate - Increased Kino

Neg - Playful teasing

Bounce - Immediate "Date" at another Location

Kiss Close - Kiss your Target

Number Close - Get the Digits of Your Target


5. The Lessons

These are some of the shortest classes I've ever attended - but I guess these geeks get the point. Standout lessons from Season 1 include: Listening to what a woman wants, How to pick up a moving target, How to pickup a stripper, a 411 on Ladies Lingerie, How to Kiss and of course, How to Spit Mad Game.

6. The Field Tests

After each love lesson the men are sent into the field to be tested on what they learned. The field tests are where we get to watch these guys crash and burn or score in an actual bar or social venue.

Highlight field tests included the Blindfolded kiss test where the students were judged on their kissing skills by Mystery's blindfolded friend, Tara. Then there was the lingerie shopping test where after viewing a lingerie fashion show starring Tara and another lady, the guys had to go shopping for them keeping in mind the things they said they liked or didn't like (otherwise known as the Listening test).

The moving target test caused them all to bite it as they attempted to pick up women moving, running and biking on the bridge in Austin against numerous obstacles. Surprisingly the guys as a unit had the most success in Expose, an Austin exotic dance club, where Brady even Bounced a dancer into the limo outside and totally "scored."

What is perhaps the most comical moments in these field tests is to hear each contestant spit the same pickup lines over and over and over. It's like once they marry themselves to a "shtick" they stick with it. Like Brady - whose signature pickup schpeal is "Can I ask you something - It's a very important question, very important - Do you floss BEFORE or AFTER you brush?" or Joe D - whose signature conversation starter goes, "Oh my god, did you see that fight outside? Yeah there were these two women going at it over some guy! You didnt see that?" (side note: Fake fights in Austin rose 90% for the duration of filming.)


7. The Medallions

At each elimination ceremony the geek squad is awarded medallions. On Flavor of Love the contestants get clocks, on the Bachelor they get a rose, on Survivor they get food other than a bug to eat. These Pickup Artist Medallions are color-coded and each color has a very meaningful symbol and of course, technical name which I cannot recall, nor will you.

8. The Final Showdown

The Pickup Artist season finale pits Brady versus Kosmo left to battle it out for the cash prize of $50,000 and the priceless award of traveling and continuing their mentorship with Mystery and his entourage. You'd think a lifetime supply of condoms would be a more appropriate prize given the context of the challenge. But the winner will have to cough up the cash for those himself.

***********

Learn how to pick up a moving target now:



-d4

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Hey! Nielsen - Thanks!

A big thanks to Hey! Nielsen for nominating us for their 1st Annual TV BLOG CONTEST.

Like our blog? Vote for us:



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VMA's - One Big Train Wreck!

Not sure who was manning the helm at last night's VMA Awards, but the captain of the ship had a titanic tragedy on his/her hands! Starting off with the over-hyped Britney Spears' opening number - where, oh, where do you begin to comment on this truly misfortunate public display of unpreparedness and lapse in judgement. Britney opened the VMA's with what can only be categorized as a catatonic, lethargic and unprofessional performance of monsterous proportions!

Britney seemed completely out-of-it as she barely kept up with the lip-synching and dance steps. It was as if she were doing a first-run through of this in her basement. I've seen more life in a piece of fruit. Even the dozen dancers around her couldn't camouflouge her lacklusterness. Dressed in no more than a bikini, Britney's costume only added to her fiasco, highlighing her not-so-rock-hard abs and body language that all but said, "Are we done yet?"

As bad as Britney was she can take comfort in the fact that she was not the worst part of the VMAs.... that award goes to the ever-irritating and inappropriate Sarah Silverman who had the difficult task of being the act immediately following Britney. If the show hadn't already been killed in the first 2 minutes, Sarah Silverman stabbed a few more knives into the corpse. You could hear a pin drop and see the disgusted looks on the faces of those in the audience as Ms. Silverman attempted her off-beat, poorly-timed humor to zero laughs and crickets...lots and lots of crickets!

I cannot comment further on the VMA's as that's the point at which I turned the channel.

Technorati Tags: vma awards, vma, britney spears, britney on vma awards, britney, sarah silverman

Jemaine or not Jemaine? That was the question!

It really was Jemaine Clement!! (of Flight of the Conchords)
on Rivington and Allen St. in NYC's LES August 30th.

Two dumb divas stood by evaluating the initially-thought-to-be
"Jemaine poser" trying to decide if he was real or fake. diva 3 loves Bret and diva 4 loves Jemaine - For such strong fans of the show this should have been a slam dunk ID of the suspect, and diva 4 seriously needs to have her eyes checked given her comment that he was just some guy 'pimping out the whole jemaine look.'

Ironically, the Bret girl, was fairly convinced this was Jemaine, pointing
out distinct features, i.e. the space between his teeth, the broad shoulders and
narrow waist, etc. However, the ever skeptical Jemaine girl was not
at all convinced. His height was throwing her off, she thought he was much taller. Not to mention IMDB.com has it listed as 6'1 & 1/2", and this guy seemed no more than 5'10".

After a half an hour of - embarrassed to admit - not so subtle gawking at
Rivington & Allen, neither willing to approach him, Jemaine and crew were
on the move. In true Mel fashion we commenced a stalk/walk
otherwise known as a stwalk where evidence was mounting that it might actually BE him
(a girl on her cell screaming "he looked right at me.", a guy we saw run to
talk to him and then fly a block back in the other direction to catch up with
his friends). This was turning into a true fiasco which could have been so
easily solved with a "hey, are you Jemaine?", "wanna get down to some business?" or "boom me baby!" but NOOOOOO we just stood there like idiots!

Finally after following the alleged Jemaine and friends nearly 30 blocks where they ultimately ducked into the Grassroots Tavern dive bar on St. Marks, where practically 20 people on the sidewalk spilled in with them - two lame divas hopped in a cab continuing to debate was it or wasn't it. After re-viewing several Concords episodes & seeing a gawker.com jemaine sighting post the next day that was clearly during our pursuit of the suspect, we had our answer. (The incompetant inspector Jacques Clouseau from the 70's Pink Panther movies would have done far better at solving this mystery!).

Unfortunately it was business time & we had punched out our time sheets way to soon. Business time was definitely over and we were FIRED!!

Somehow we will move on from this botched would-be encounter
with greatness. It will take lots of ice cream (soy delicious for the vegan diva)
and some therapy, but we'll get through the dark hours and find solace
once again.

Sighning (that's right, sigh-ning) off,
The Shy Siren Diva's





Technorati Tags: jemaine clement, jemaine clement sightings, celebrity sightings, flight of the conchords, fotc, 17 divas

Kate Walsh having Best Week After Week Ever!

Poor Kate Walsh. She's got the toughest job in the world. week after week she's sucking face with the hottest men around. McSteamy, McDReamy, McAlex and now McTimDaly. I can barely fathom the difficulty she must have getting up and going to work. all this Diva knows is Kate Walsh is one lucky lady.

In last night's 2 hour special and foreay into the much-talked about Grey's Anatomy spin-off, kate walsh hit a home run, and already got to first base in one of the HOTTEST tv kisses ever! I don't know what Tim Daly's been doing for the last few years, but bulking up at the gym and maintaining his sizzle factor have clearly been taking up his time. as Randy Jackson would say, "check it out, check it out, that was HOT Dawg, that was HOT!!"

Meanwhile, there was something familiar to me about Addison's best friend who owns the wellness spa with her separated husband. Then Diva 3 pointed out to me that she's Allison from Alias, Sydney Bristo's roommate who was killed and cloned to kill her. And Sark from Alias was also in a bit role.

one of the many things this Diva loved about this spin-off is the cute male surfer receptionist who at 1pm trades his work clothes for a pair of boardshorts and sex waxes up his board before hitting the waves for lunch everyday. the gals in the office spontaneously gather at 12:55 to drool, then again at 1:55 to witness the same show "wet".

loving it! D4

Technorati Tags: kate walsh, grey's anatomy, tim daly, addison, mcdreamy, tv,mcsteamy,greys spinoff show

Tessa Takes the Lead

On last night's bachelor, Andy Baldwin spent a group date with Amber, Bevin, Tina and Danielle assessing their "mom" quotient and their "community" factor as they did charity work creating a playground for an elementary school. Toiling soil, painting hopscotch boards and assembling tricycles and big wheels these gals did their best to paint themselves as the perfect mother to Andy's unborn children.

In a heart to heart talk Bevin confesses to Amber that it is makes her sick that someone who is 23 could be up against her mature-dness of 28 in the fight to win Andy. I mean, my GOSH, those ages are like night and day! In her 5 year advantage Bevin is INFINITELY more mature than AMber (as exhibited in this very scene)... NOT! God Lord, Bevin, you're TWENTY-EIGHT, not FORTY-EIGHT! GOI!

In one of the one-on-one dates, jeez, i cant remember her name, the 'other' stephanie i think, could barely form a sentence when Andy asked her about her career, dreams and future. Uhhhhhhhhh.... next!

Meanwhile, in the cliche "Pretty Woman" reinactment, Tessa received the one-on-one date complete with two million in diamonds and a stop off at Nicole Miller for a dress fitting of a princess before having a romantic date with Andy full throttle woo-ing her. I think this might actually be a first in Bachelor history that we've seen a bachelor CHASE a contestant. Nice going, Tessa.

so, at night's end Tina and Stephanie left the castle, rose-less and Andy-less.

This Diva predicts a showdown between Bevin and Tessa. And my ultimate Bachelor Finale prediction pegs Tessa as the one to win Andy's heart.

Diva 4 will be back for more,


Technorati Tags: andy baldwin, the Bachelor, tessa, bevin, amber, pretty woman, Bachelor, officer and a gentlemen, 17 divas, rose ceremony

Gwen Stefani goes on an Idol Smack Down!!

Ok, it doesn't sound like dear old Gwen did much more than listen to our Idols sing through their songs once. But did I love that she was honest about not liking what some of them did, and her critiques were spot on. I can't believe some of our Idols didn't listen to her advice- or did they ever hear it?? AND it sounded like she's actually been watching the show! But I do still love having the sweet has-beens like LuLu on the show. They just get so excited. Idol is just too cheesy to justify real stars like Gwen and J.Lo.

Anyway- tonight's performances. As usual, Melinda blew everyone out of the water. I do love seeing her every week. Has the girl ever hit a wrong note in her entire freaking life??? I can't believe she worked as a back up singer and no one saw the talent radiating off of that girl. I'm betting there are some producers kicking themselves now.

But I have to say, what I enjoyed most this week was seeing the hard work some of our Idols are putting into winning this thing. This effort was by far the most evident in Gina. I was blase about her early in the season, but she's seriously growing on me. She is clearly going above and beyond the advice the judges are giving her. She's toning up her body, working on her voice, and being savvy about her song choice. As brilliant as Melinda is, there is something fun about watching someone like Gina pour it on.

Same could be said, to some extent, for both Jordin and Phil. I adore Jordin, and still overall like her more than Gina, but her performance this week wasn't as great as last week. And I still can't stand Phil, but I gotta admit, he has improved and grown. His vocals tonight were great. But he still creeps me out. Bad. *Shudder*

But I'm with the judges- by far my frontrunner for the guys is Blake. I didn't love love love tonight, but I do love love love him. I'd buy an album of just what he's done so far on Idol. For reals.

Last week, Diva Husband challenged Swollen Diva to name her top four. I had a hard time with the decision last week. but this week, I'm pretty confident. At least with who I *think* should make it. Sooo....drum roll please...my top four: Melinda, Blake, Jordin, and Gina. That's who I'd like to see, but I have a fear Chris R. will knock out Gina.

Who else sang? Does it matter? Oh, yeah, Sanjaya. Simon is right, as usual. He's in his own universe. He's staying another week. I have accepted it. There's just no point in giving spoilers like Howard Stern and the trolls at Vote for the Worst the satisfaction of ranting about their tactics. I may be lame for loving Idol, but I think it has got to be even more lame to be a "Vote for the Worst" supporter. LOL

My guess for who's going home, putting aside Sanjaya: I think it *should* be Hayley. I thought her performance was literally painful. But I think that both Chris's are in trouble.

Ok, Swollen Diva has to go pack now. Heading to Baltimore for a conference in the AM. We're driving...and stopping every 30 minutes to pee! Wish us luck!!!


Technorati Tags: american idol, american-idol, Sanjaya Malakar, Gwen Stefani, Vote for the worst, Melinda Doolittle, Gina Glocksen, Blake

Phil Stacey is the Bomb Diggity!

Diva 1, after a short hiatus, is back tonight with thoughts abrim on Gwen Stefani night. Prepped with a panoply of notes, she is prepared to declare Phil Stacey tonight's stand out winner -- if only for the fact that he followed the cardinal Idol rule -- Never Sing the Guest Artist's Song. Ever. Phil's outfit was rocking and finally made him look more like a pop-star than a pin-up grandfather. He delivered a superb vocal, without any crazy eye syndrome, and picked a song that made you forget his ineptness at stomping around the stage and his macarena-like hip shaking of last week. Loved it, and loved him. To quote his wife's sign from last week, Divas Loved Our Sailor!

(Diva Note: Phil's excellence was not suppressed by the fact that my dvr chose Phil's soaring chorus to freeze up for an entire second -- the beauty of the time display -- and demonstrate fully the fallacy of taping both Dancing with the Stars and Idol at the same time. For future reference, all fellow DWS addicts should simply turn over at 5 to 10 to see who gets ousted unceremoniously.)

(Side side note: Diva 1 is seriously bummed that she won't see Paulina P -- aka Ms. Ric Ocasek -- work her magic on DWS. Diva 1 demands a recount, or at least that Ms. Mills' partner rip off the fake leg like Billy Ray scalped Karina.)

Tonight's runner-up prize goes to Gina Glocksen -- although I had to close my eyes to try to wipe the heinous outfit out of my short (and long) term memory, the vocal was the best female vocal of the night. My only advice? Fire that stylist, and the hair dresser who turned you into a one-eyed wonder. You are not the invisible daughter from The Incredibles.

As for the rest...

Lakisha: Great as always, but I wasn't really loving the outfit OR the arrangement of the song. I should know, as I dance around to that song frequently in my apartment courtesty of the Charlies' Angels Deux soundtrack.

Fro Patrol: This was the first time I really enjoyed him singing, b/c the song showed off the tone and range of his voice. But I desperately want to dress him in a DARK shirt and LIGHT jacket, and not the other way around as he apparently insists on each week. I also want to tell him (in my mother's best kitchen voice) to PUT THE MIKE STAND DOWN.

Singing Machine: First to break the afore-mentioned cardinal rule for the SECOND time, and the best thing I can say about the hairdo is it made him look 15 years older. Plus he forgot the words. But I bet he'll be back next week. He is this year's equivalent of the "She-Bangs" boy, but for the fact he made it past initial auditions.

Hayley: Did anyone else think she looked like Paula's twin sister tonight? Hair -- horrific. And just b/c it was an 80s song didn't mean she had to resurrect something her much older sister bought at Express in 1982. The Old Lady is back, and she's BORING.

Melinda: Excuse Diva 1 for being a bit snobby, but given the army of stylists, I don't think anyone should be wearing a top that is currently on exhibit in every Bebe store window on 3rd Avenue and in Las Vegas (seriously, the Divas were just there -- and its on every Bebe mannequin west of the Missouri river). Only real critique of another good performance? Lose the belt next time.

Blake: Does anyone BUT Diva 1 think he's really not as much as the judges think he is? The outfit was like a straight jacket (the pants were even peg-legged, an offense one Diva will recognize as wolf-acious) and he was boring as all get out. Plus I'm EXTREMELY TIRED of staring up his nostrils every week. Naturally, Paula loved it.

Jordin: Diva is reminded of that famous saying -- one giant step for Jordinkind (last week), two massive steps backward this week. It was like a school girl talent routine fresh out of Mean Girls -- outfit included. Also, I thought it was extremely pitchy. And most idol-escents get chastised for allowing the back-up singers to do the heavy lifting.

Chris: For Diva 1, this was the third best performance of the evening. Not nasally and, although it was a little tentative at the start, the second half was great. I think he has a better voice than Blake by 10 miles, and with his tone I want to hear him sing some Stevie Wonder. I do want to warn him though, Members Only called and they're looking for their jacket.

Final thoughts? Paula looked weirdly old tonight, I must throw out my silver eye shadow (if I had some) immediately. I hate Gwen Stefani for looking so great even without her over-the-top fabulous diva make-up of yore. And her white patent platforms were the bomb, dawg!

Diva 1


Technorati Tags: american idol, american-idol, Sanjaya Malakar, Gwen Stefani, phil stacey, Paula Abduhl, haley scarnato, chris sligh

Kiki-cking It DRoss Style

Once again, Lakisha proves that she is (to quote a popular movie) pure "money." Girl's got a great voice and a beautiful personality that shines through. I don't know why, but I'm far more moved by her single mom sob story than I ever was by Fantasia. Perhaps because she is so humbled by her success.

And frankly, while Melinda was good as usual, I wasn't bowled over. If you're singing something from the Wiz, please make it something we all recognize! In fact, much like the judges, Diva 1 was not tremendously bowled over by anything.

Highlights, if you could call them that, are limited. First, there is Haley Scarnato, who -- for once -- left Whitney, Mariah, Faith Hill and her wedding singer style far far behind (even if the dress was still hideous, I don't understand how a 23 year old can instantly turn herself into 45 -- its almost worse than Pickler's Tammy Wynette transformation). And last there is Phil Stacey, who -- if you closed your eyes -- had by far the best vocal of the men. In what is rapidly turning into rhetorical question night, how can someone whose voice soars and who clearly has a passion for singing be (in the words of the immortal Hanny B) so DULLS-ville?

Without question, Sanjaya MUST GO. Diva 1 dare says, however, that Brandon, Fro-Man Chris Sligh and Stephanie (another victim of instant aging this evening) are flirting with danger and may, due to the whims of the voters, be ousted before the eviling Singing Machine (get it? Sanjaya Malakar, Singing Machine, Diva 1 is SO clever).

Finally, who knew Diana Ross could be so lucid?? Color Diva 1 pleasantly pleased.


Technorati Tags: american idol, american-idol, american idol top 12

American Idol Girls Take 2

The woman continue their dominance over the guys on american idol. Stephanie, Lakisha, Belinda, Sabrina and Jordin are tops in my book. What I dont like is this stupid dedication week theme. It's nice b/c you get to know a bit about them but playing such emotional footage right before they sing is just unfair. competition or not. I think the "home footage" should be saved for seperate segments and not a prelude to a performance.

Was I the only one screaming "NO WAY" when Ryan Seacrest announced that Antonella would be doing Celine? OMG, I howled. As Diva 2 said in prior post - have these 6th season contestants LEARNED NOTHING? from watching 5 years of this? Antonella was walking on thin ice coming into tonite's show, and that just sunk her to the bottom of the river! Not to mention, what's her name (don't know them all yet) doing the Dixie Chicks Grammy winning song, "not ready to make nice". Unless you can sing like Lakisha you should not be choosing grammy winning songs!

Next on my poo-poo list is wedding singer, Haley Scarnoto. The crimped hair was cheezy, the song choice was lame and the armpit shots were far too many! If she or Antonella are not gone next week I will be shocked. Even dog walker, Leslie, was better I thought.

ok, nuf said. Diva4 out the door

Technorati Tags: american-idol, american idol, antonella barba, leslie hunt