17 Divas : Dish about Celebrity, Reality TV, Entertainment & More!

Read our rants on reality tv, celebreality, celebrity, entertainment, movies, television, pop culture, fashion and other snarky tid-bits.

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Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Send in the straight jacket!

What is paula smokin?

First off let's begin by saying if last week's American Idol was a pixie stick than this week's idol was a pile of doo-doo. And if Simon was drinking the "happy" juice last week, then someone shot him up with some bitter pills this week! According to Randy, Paula and Simon - pretty much everyone stunk - except for mchottie, paris and elliot. And speaking of Elliot I still must be the only one watching who is not moved to tears or tantric sex by his voice. and speaking of sex, is paula having some with him cause those tears welling up with that girl was something serious and there was some undercurrent of something. Meanwhile, while paula's trying to hold back niagra falls , Simon is quietly hysterically laughing at her. And i dare say, likely most of America was laughing with him!

We all know Paris Bennett can sing. But the girl has GOT to secure a visual identity and own it! Each week she looks more done up or made up or like she's playing dress up or pretending to be going on an interview at a bank or security firm! Every time they show a clip of Paris working with the celebrity tutor of the week she looks great! Young, perkey, age-appropriate t-shirts and clothing and her hair usually follows suit. THEN.....she gets on stage and you're like - who's that???

Biggest fashion flub of the night goes to Katharine McPhee who may give guys the mcpheever but someone forgot to give her a mcslip - bad panty lines under that banana yellow dress were a major "don't" - hello, wardrobe......anyone home?

Kelli Pickler had us relive (against our will) memories of the movie "ghost" and lamented to Ryan that sadly she has noone to play pottery with. hmmmm. the 'dumb blonde' gene just keeps going and going and going and going and......

......AND, if Kelli's not voted off tonite than there is a huge calamari-loving, minx-mandating, kelli klub out there and they're a force to be reckoned with!

-D4 out.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Baby Nation!

I'd like to acknowledge the babies popped out by celebrity moms this week!

In the much anticipated silent birth of baby TomKat (and who can believe it's already been 9 months) the "couple" (i use the term loosely!) successfully managed a stealth-like "to the bat car!" mission almost impossible to the hospital maneuver entirely avoiding any paparazzi! At the hospital, would-be silent birther Katie Holmes was administered an epidural! Now last i checked, epidural was a drug. Drugs are meds. Meds are bad - according to one make believe doctor who plays an actor on tv!

Meanwhile, down the hall of the same hospital, Brooke Shields (in an odd twist of karmic fate even Earl would have trouble believing), Tom's nemisis was delivering her own baby. One can only hope that Brooke made so much noise delivering that baby of hers that it envoked screams from silent birthers down the hall!

What would really cinch this whole thing would be for Tom to get post-partum depression. Unlikely, I know...but one can dream.

Enquiring minds still want to know... Did katie scream? Did Suri (yeah, just another question mark!) scream? Did tom scream? Did all the scientologists go out for ice cream? Shhhhhhhhh!!!!! no talking.

D4 silently out.

In a Pickle(r)

Sooooo, I'm listening to "Bad Day" by Daniel Powter. It seemed fitting given how hard Ace has been trying, when only a DAY after an only slightly-BAD performance, and following a performance by a rock legend who always looks like he got up on the wrong end of a BAD one DAY bender, he was defeated by a blond with a perennial BAD hair DAY, who had a truly BAD outing (day). Some day indeed. (And yes, I think even I've defeated how many times I can use the song title in a run-on sentence.)

As we all know, I'm not a perennial Ace Fan. And yet, Tuesday was the first time I didn't find his falsetto to be like nails on a chalk board. AND I agreed with Randy (for the first time ever, perhaps) that he should have done the whole song in falsetto to make it extra special, instead of just a rehash of Adam Sandler in the Wedding Singer. Check it out, that is THE first song Sandler sings in that hilarious 80s tribute -- in fact, I was sort of waiting for Alexis Arquette to take the stage following Ace and rock out ... Duh Duh, Do You Really Want To Huuuurt Me???

Apparently, America's Voters do. Another Tuesday of Pickler butchering America's song book, and another Wednesday of cutie-pie Paris crying (I mean really, how many people could she have been THAT close to when her mother is present at EVERY SINGLE ACTIVITY -- its almost worse than Lisa Tucker's mom singing along in the audience ....) might put me over the edge, no matter how cute Taylor, Elliott and McHottie continue to be.

Lest I forget to mention my tops for Tuesday, it was All Elliott, All The Time. I completely disagreed with Simon, and truly felt like he cut loose and seemed happy on stage for the first time. Clsoe second was Taylor, whose ending was STUNNING. I had goosebumps for both.

Grouch out,
Diva 1

ps -- Show you should all be watching: Cheerleader Nation -- bring it on, on crack, with a touch of showbiz moms to boot!

pps -- a shout out to ABC for finally bringing ALIAS back! The two hours (which were totally under-hyped) were riveting enough to keep my attention and I was digging the ultra short commercials. More please!

Friday, April 14, 2006

Bucky-ing the Trend

All right, I admit it. I may be the ONLY person on the planet who is devastated that Bucky has gone home. I truly enjoyed his performance and was jumping up and down to see someone brave enough to take on "Fat Bottomed Girls." (In fact, the first thing I said to Diva 3 last week when they announced the Queen theme was that it was tough, b/c I thought no one would sing any of their fun songs LIKE Fat Bottomed Girls and Bicycle Race (I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride my BIIIII-ke...) or Killer Queen). Despite what Paula says, he sings better when he ditches the cowboy hat. And he has the idol qualities we all love -- nice smile, sweet personality and a hometown we've never heard of. In fact, I dare say that there must be more than one diva who was secretly hoping he would ride the dark horse (or maybe just the dark mechanical horse a la John Travolta) all the way into the top 4 or 5. (Oh yeah, I said it!)

All in all, I was again extremely disappointed in Tuesday's show. Not one single person sang "Under Pressure"?? The only possible excuse for Ace's falsetto? McPheever ditches "Don't Stop Me Now" for the hackneyed ballad from The Highlander? Ok, I love The Highlander, largely b/c it features Sean Connery in yummy form as the Spanish Peacock, Clancy Brown as a crazy looking but strangely attractive evil swordsman ("Its better to live fast than fade away!"), and has a soundtrack totally by Queen -- but the song choice was bad, and the outfit was worse (she must own something other than blue jeans, and the belt turned the top into something straight out of Katherine Parker's closet in Working Girl). In fact, Paris should have run for that song once McPheever ditched it -- a perfect choice for a young girl. Instead I got to see her channeling a drag queen version of Beyonce singing a song that can only be sung by Freddie Mercury (and is largely associated with his death). And McHottie? The song was good, but I felt like I was watching a dime-store version of the Pharoah in the Ten Commandments due to the heavy eye-liner and bald head. Very distracting.

Taylor made the only truly inspired change, but turned it into merely a re-visitation of the Dwight Yoakum version (and the accompanying Gap commercial). Someone take the mike stand away and seat him behind a piano next week. So, it is any shocker that Bucky and Elliott (who I thought was the best of the evening, with a GREAT song choice) were my favorites? I think not.

In truth, for me, this is quickly becoming AMERICAN I-DULL. Here's hoping Rod Stewart can drag us back from the edge of oblivion. Odds are, however, that instead of a night of Maggie May and If You Want My Body, we're going to get the old singers and standards from his last 3 records. The click you hear is my mental remote, tuning it all out...

Sadly, Diva 1

ps -- if you're not tuning into Top Chef on Bravo (10 pm Wednesday, with innumerable re-runs) you should be!!

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Ace of Arms

ok, so i didnt shed a tear when Bucky got the Boot on wednesday's idol. Despite the slow motion montage and "you had a bad day" melody, which i admit to liking much like i admit to liking the macarana.

the biggest irony would be if Ace won this idol thing given that he's had a weekly date with the 'bottom 3' for the best of this competition. Now Ace has been a bit too George Michael for me up till now to say i'd in any way be pulling for him, BUT, if he continues to wear sleevess shirts and performs on Tuesday nights the way he encoured that Queen song last night just before he thought he was gonna get the ax he might have a shot. Yep, last night something actually clicked in ace's brain that he could go home and he sang the shit outta that song....or at least i think he did....DAMN, those are some nice ARMS!!!!!!

diva 4 out.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Look Like the Stars for Less Series



6.5 Carat Pink Engagement Ring Similar To That Worn by Nicole Richie

Look look like the Stars at a fraction of the Price! If you love Nicole Richie but you happen to live more of the simple life than the rich and famous life, try this imitation Nicole Richie inspired diamond & pink sapphire engagement ring. Unlike hers, it won't set you back 75,000 smackers. Now that's HOT!

Saturday, April 08, 2006

Cheapskateville!

Yet another former star with a current reality tv show, Tuckerville follows the trials and tribulations of country legend Tanya Tucker single mom. Although from the episode i caught tonite, it's more the kids raising her.

Layla, the youngest - i'm guessing 6-7, spends more time campaigning for her mom to quit smoking than playing video games with friends. And when her mom is under the weather (read as: recovering from a botox appointment), Layla makes her homemade soup (jot this recipe down. It's a keeper! 1 can cream of mushroom soup, 1 can evaporated milk, half a bottle of honey, 1 raw egg, and a chocolate bar) to make her feel better.

Oldest son Jeremy (oh, wait i think that's the roloff's kids - i can't keep my reality in check!) tries to bail out of jail their "babysitter", but to no avail. judge sentences the sitter to a week in the slammer. ( Now here would have been a great application of Jerry Seinfeld's Butler sentence for criminals - the judge should have ruled that he be a butler to the kids he baby sits. i digress......)

In any event, a new sitter is found, from all apearances through the yellow pages....a dude with wayyyy too tight jeans, long curly hair who looks more like a village person (YMCA) than a sitter of young children. Left to care for Tanya's 2 sons this caretaker is subject to some rough-housing and then a friendly basketball game in the driveway where it's agreed the loser has to jump in tucker lake. Guess who loses? yep. but true to his word the tucker boys drive sitter down to the lake and he jumps in. which, brings up another point...if you're old enough to drive, do you NEED a babysitter??????

finally, Tanya arrives back home (she'd been out with her daughter catching up on her cattle herding skills at a local rodeo stampede. ) and asks the baby sitter how it went. he lies and says fine. Tanya reacts surprised and says, "really? we cant seem to get anyone to come back."

now, just as you think she's about to replace jail slammer with this dude, she reaches in her handbag to pay him and pulls out a 20 dollar bill (yes, i said T-W-E-N-T-Y) and asks him if he has CHANGE!!!!!! a $5 or a few singles!!! Now I am sorry, but you do NOT live in a house the size of TARA from Gone with the Wind, go to hypnotists to quit smoking, and spend thousands on botox and perma make-up and then give the baby sitter who put in at least 3-4 hours of work, jumped in a lake, and watched not one, but two kids who weren't even asleep for the night, twenty bucks!!!!!!!!

I am not a mom and my babysitting days are long behind me but that's just Wrong in any "...Ville" !

.... And you say no sitter wants to come back?

-Diva 4 out.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Honey She's Home, and She Had a Bad Day

I hate to disagree with a fellow diva, but I feel compelled to defend last night's departure of our favorite EveryWoman. How better to do so than with a Shania -titled-tribute.

Song choice, as Simon Says (another funny!), is CRITICAL. Mandisa, despite a powerful opening, demonstrated very poor song selection. She chose a song this week that didn't really allow her to be the powerhouse she is. She should have been thinking more along the lines of a Faith Hill power-ballad (except for Breathe, which would have resulted in me carving my heart out with a spoon) or Jodie Messina / Dixie Chicks for sassy but strong vocals.

Not to mention the week before, when she selected a little known gospel number that works only because it was a duet by two sisters who sound a lot like Mary J. Blige. Only she didn't sound that way, and she didn't sound like herself. And yes, I may be the only person who had ever heard Wanna Praise You (it came on a free cd I got once at a golf-themed party). And I think the song is actually titled "Chains" (wanna praise you is the subtitle that follows in parentheses). The religious right may be able to put a body in the Oval Office, but they clearly have no hold on AI (probably b/c it is shown on the devil's tool, tv).

Don't get me wrong, Iwill miss her. And it was really hard to see her cry. But I have a feeling she is a few steps closer to her personal goal: "to meet and be on Oprah." I might even buy an O magazine that features Mandisa on the cover. So long as it doesn't play "Bad Day" by Daniel Powter when I open it.

-- 201 Diva 1

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Buck It!

ok, i'm sorry, but for the love of ManDiva, you have GOT to be kidding that she got the heeve - ho before Bucky?

After last nights county coma fest, not that I thought any of them were outstanding, but Bucky bored me to tears. I don't think he has charisma or that "star factor", and i don't think much of his singing. Eventually they will all be given that ticket home except for one, but i am not happy with tonite's results. Ironic how the bottom 2 from last week escaped the wrath. Katharine I was astonished to see in the bottom 2 last week, especially given the vegas odds are on her to win this.

Paris, last night for the first time looked close to her god-given age. I am half-humored with angst to see her sing a Queen song next week.

oh, and arent' we all soooo relieved to hear Paula resigned her contract. The thought of potential replacement Jessica "whine" Simpson was enough to make me sick. It's enough Katie Couric is leaving the Today Show, I don't think I could have dealt with two changing of the TV guards in one week!

- Diva 4 out the Door!

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Simon Scowl

201 Diva 1 in the house and wearing, you guessed it, Simon's Scowl (clever, right?). I'm always a little wary of "Country" night on America's favorite show, and tonight proved me right once again. Even Pickler could not find a shred of originality, despite what the judges thought.

Where to begin? How about with Kenny. His chicken franchises (which I thought were in bankruptcy) must be very lucrative because that was some excellent repair work he had done. He looks 30 years younger, and has none of that Sir-Tom-Jones-Evil-Chinese-Too-Tan-Overlord effect. But I hope I'm not the only one who had a hard time reconciling that face with the voice -- I mean, I grew up knowing that I had "to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, and know when to run" (away from the knife that is). Disappointing. I bet Kim Carnes wouldn't even recognize him, not that 1/2 of the people watching AI know who she is either.

Taylor. I love Taylor. But someone from Birmingham, Alabama, should know that John Denver, no matter how much we actually love him (his songs and his movies with George Burns, I know they are y'alls guilty pleasure too!), is a snoozer to open with. He was boring, and looked more like Kenny than faux Kenny did. Scary.

Mandisa. Although Shania is basically the country shaka khan, singing about girl power and short skirts (I'm not sure how the two equate, actually), I was again not impressed. Shania songs repeat the same 8 notes (i.e. one octave) in the only key Shania can sing in, and it was not something to showcase a voice like Mandisa's. Not to mention the vertigo that top was giving me. Even if it didn't suck me into the voting vortex. I love her, and I love her figure, but she needs to rely on the professional dresser. Boot cut jeans. For the love of god, I should not be able to tell you have on black boots with a weird tan top that my grandmother made for her couch (at least before it found its way to hollywood).

Elliot. Surprisingly, he makes my top three of the evening. While I would normally say "if tomorrow never comes" would be the appropriate time to sing either a Garth Brooks song or a Trisha Yearwood song, as they are COUNTRY ROYALTY and therefore equals of, and subject to, the WMI ban (no whitney, no mariah, no idol, repeat after me!) we had songs from both, and I thought Elliot rocked his. His was different than Garth's version, with a completely original ending. And he took Kenny to heart, and sang a simpler (and therefore more country) version of himself. Loved.

Paris. I could certainly live without that song. I could also leave without her, which is what I thought she was saying due to poor enunciation. It was a complete ape of the Trisha Y version, right to the very end. Oddly, I thought of it as Dionne Warwick, doing Trisha Yearwood (at least Simon got it 1/2 right). Not to mention its the love song from Con Air. 'Nuff said.

Ace. Also in my top three. I normally hate his song choice, and his serial killer stare, but both were missing tonight (along with his cheesy scar). In the immortal words of Paula, it was happiness, sunshine, and I felt he had "connected" with the song -- in fact, he had me right until the falsetto. I don't get it as a "signature" and am pretty sure that Michael Jackson made it creepy for all who follow. Am I wrong?

Pickler. I am so pleased to know that the Pickler I saw blatantly copying Reba McEntire's Fancy, right down to Reba's signature pronunciation and funny accent, was in fact "the real Pickler." Perhaps they just didn't teach her about plagiarism (or the vocal equivalent) in the backwoods school she claims to have attended. And would someone please teach her another move other than lunging for the camera with one hand? In 90 seconds, she made that move THREE times. Once per 30 seconds if you're counting (and apparently I was, I was THAT bored). Although the arrangement and cut for the word choice was fancy indeed. I'll give her that much.

P.S. If Garth and Trisha are the Charles and Diana of country, Reba is Queen Elizabeth. Therefore, also subject to the WMI rule.

McHottie. He was my runner up for the evening's top three. I really liked the softer side, but again (in a Paula-esque way), he wasn't selling the song to me. You could tell he was really just doing it b/c he had too. In fact, I would have chosen something more rockabilly, like "Guilty" by the Warren Twins (find it online, its catchy) or even something from Brooks and Dunn (breaking my own country royalty rule, I know, but he's worth it).

McPheever. This was the only country song I had never heard before. And hope to never hear again. Better outfit than last week, but boring boring boring.

Finally, Bucky. He rounds out my top three. I know we all expected him to do good, but I was surprised by the softer song choice (I love this song!) and impressed that he took to heart the need to make us UNDERSTAND HIM. Say what you want about Bucky, the boy knows how to work the camera as well -- did you see that sideways glance at the end? He was comfortable on stage, polished and memorable.

All of the above aside, I am DESPERATE FOR A BETTER THEME. What's next? Reggae from the 20th Century? Sex Pistols night? Bands that start with the letter B? (Even that would be better because the Beatles would be in there). And do I really need to see faux Kenny sing tomorrow? No.

Diva 1 out (for now... clearly I needed a rant).