17 Divas : Dish about Celebrity, Reality TV, Entertainment & More!
Read our rants on reality tv, celebreality, celebrity, entertainment, movies, television, pop culture, fashion and other snarky tid-bits.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Not Your American Idol
Is it just me or do about half the men look like women? I just can’t get over it....(Leif) Garrett, Noriega, Hernandez, and Colton (who actually made reference to how he looks like Ellen DeGeneres). Not that there's anything wrong with this, but it's just a bit confusing. If I wasn't paying attention, or say maybe dosed off for a few (which given these performances would not be out of the question) I may open my eyes and think it's ladies night...what the F?
And then there are the manly men that are just a deilish dish to feast our eyes on…there’s aussie hottie Michael Johns (I can even forgive him for having 2 first names), and Luke Menard. Michael has “it” I think. The beginning of the Doors song he did made me melt like cheese in a Ray’s Pizza’s oven (shout out to all the New Yorkers in the m-en-f-en haaooooouuuuuuuuuuse!). Hot and sexy, I’m totally down with MJ!
Moving on...Speaking of cheese, how about that Cheezie, oops that’s Chikezie!!!!
Of the women, I think Miss Syesha is awesome, she’s my fave pick for the ladies so far. There we some other interesting performances. I like the nurse-rocker.
Overall, there’s been a shadow over this years Idol since the pick of the top 24 show. And that shadow is mixed with a bit of anger. The honeymoon AI and I have been having over the years is finally over at least for now. We may be able to reignite the spark, but it may take some time. It’s like they cheated on me and I’m mad as hell. It is hard for me to see the top 12 men, especially the 6 or 7 lame ones and not feel this way. Why are these fuckers there and my boy Josiah is out sitting in his car!? That Josiah has it all…an amazing artist! His own songs are fabulous. He could make an album today and it’d go platinum, no doubt. Love, love, LOVE him & LOVE Ellen DeGeneres for all her fabulousness she sees the truth too and had him on her show yesterday. It was amazing. She showered him with gifts (which I don’t think even half will fit in his car, but something tells me he’s not going to be living in that car much longer).
Yes, ladies and gents, the long-awaited, post-Super Bowl schmorgasborg of American Idol has returned -- and with it, more diva-licious observations from your favorite reality tv mavens.
This year brings even more sad stories than usual. Diva 1 counted in just two shows (Hollywood week and Miami) 2 very recent patriarchal deaths, one heroic crash survivor, one more recent and slightly less tragic crash survivor (given that the show prominently featured her riding her motorcycle with reckless abandon), 3 janis joplin impersonaters (2 of whom were also in the crash survivor category), 1 beauty queen, immigration problems, innumerable "this is my last chance"-ers and too many single parents to count (including one refreshingly single dad -- doesn't anyone else besides Diva 1 wonder why the single pops never turn out for reality tv?).
This year's crop of potential American Idols include (to name a few): a nurse, a plus-size model, a former boy bander from miami, a 16-year-old, a rastafarian (at least by looks), a daughtry-wannabe, an Irish girl and an Australian mate. In usual form, we saw too little of half of the members of "our" top 24 to cast odds or truly pick a front runner, although I think many will keep an eye on Carly (the irish girl allergic to her dog) and David Hernandez (a Simon pronouncement that one will have to work harder is always a good sign) -- front runners if any are to be had.
Diva 1 would be uttterly remiss if she didn't note Idol's hugest mistake to date -- sending Josiah home without a ticket to the top 24. The child had more talent in his pinky that last year's boring, beat-boxing, boy-bander Blake and an interesting tonal quality to his voice. Not to mention a story made for sweeps week. Diva 1 is sure she wasn't the only one to discover that THIS was not the decision that Simon utterly disagreed with...
Anyhooo, stay tuned as the Divas gear up for another scandal-filled season of American Idol, with forays into all of your other "faves" of the season -- including Flavor of Love, Rock of Love and any other truly tragic excuse we can find not to do our real work!
The Magical Mystery Tour de Force ~ Takin’ it to the Streets of Austin with their Newly Crowned Pick-up Artist Protégé Kosmo
Congratulations to Kosmo for earning the final medallion. I’m not sure what specifically the design on it represents (honor, greatness, bravery, Celtic love). However, I do know that Kosmo IS the Pick-Up Artist (PUA).
As such, he will be touring the globe with the freaky fishnet-top wearing super serious Mystery and his douche bag wingmen, Snoopdog & the other one, or is it Matador and Snoopy, no wait, it’s Matador and J-Dog. I bet they need to spit some mad game when they open a set and introduce themselves with those names. It’s a good thing they have the title and skills of a Master PUA to their credit, otherwise, could be a slippery slope that one.
Back to the Mystery Man. Didn’t Mr. M get the last note that got passed around the entire home room class of the last 80’s romantic teen angst movie probably starring Molly Ringwald, Emilio Estevez, Anthony Michael Hall, Andrew McCarthy, Rob Lowe, Judd Nelson, Ally Sheedy and all the other brat packers. The note said, in case you were wondering M, “In the future there will be no more fishnet tops unless you are performing or marching in the gay pride parade which btw is totally cool with us if that’s what you’re into (although our bone-head Principal Richard Vernon, all the unreformed a-hole jocks, the snooty princess debutants, and just general resident high school jerks wouldn’t agree but we and the super cool janitor think their crazy). Let’s remember to always be excellent to each other!!.” Well, the note went something like that anyway. I digress…
Seriously though, as much as I kid and well, throw some zingers out to this misfit crew of crusaders (and I’m not talking about the students or AFCs – that’s average frustrated chumps if you’re nasty or Janet Jackson or ignorant to PUA lingo), they are really doing a lot of good out there. I mean when you strip it down, this show really offered up some smart heartfelt behavioral psychology. The team of nerdy & seriously social/female-phobic guys really turned around.
With the help of Mystery & his crew of Joes & Hoes these guys developed healthy self-esteem and the ability to function and succeed in social situations with women. We got the chance to witness these transformations as their phobias and negative self-images melted away. Joe D. seemed most moved by the whole experience and it was really cool to see how great he felt at the end. God bless him, he just needs to come up with some better ‘threads’. Anyone who has been watching the show knows that’s not 70’s hippy-speak for clothes. There’s been more girl-on-girl combat in Austin over some dude named George. Who is this George? And what is he doing to the female populous in this otherwise peaceful, loving, politically evolved anti-Bush “war no more” capital of Texas.
On another note, in all fairness, I think Brady got side swiped when Kosmo was crowned King of the Chumps. He should have gotten a bit more camera time and kudos from M & the gang. Just a “hey man, close but no medallion, job well done, you’re awesome and will go far dude” would have been nice, then they could throw their arms around Kosmo in a very heterosexual manly way.
There have been many postings/rumors/possible truths about how Kosmo and Brady were “cast” - as in they’re actors/models. According to these commentators, it was no accident that they ended up as the final two. Not sure about all that and quite frankly I’m not so sure I care either way.
I got a lot out of this show. In addition to the shear entertainment value, picking up some fun new vocabulary (that probably won’t make it into Webster’s anytime soon) I learned some things that I believe even I can work on in my interactions with men. You know, I can DHV with my positive Avatar that will encourage men to throw Gambit my way giving me the IOI which might turn me into a Pivot if I am interested as well at which point I may deliver the IOI that might lead to KINO escalation that might deliver some good vibrations leading to a Bouncing situation back to his/my place where we can physically negotiate compliance testing as we KINO escalate into a possibly heavenly state of nonverbal communication otherwise known as SEX or six if you’re Bret McKenzie from Flight of the Concords. I’d love to share some KINO with that luscious KIWI any day, any night, any where!!!! Oops, I digress again! What am I apologizing for? This is my damn blog, I do what I want. How’s that for DHV!! Peace & Love Y’all!
Diva 3 outtie!!
P.s. Translations PUA-speak to English.
AFC – Average Frustrated Chumps
Avatar – Persona, Image
Bounce – Change locations
Compliance Test – Checking Comfort Level
DVH – Demonstration of Higher Value
Gambit – A conversation starter
IOIs – Indicators of Interest Nonverbal signs that show that a woman is attracted to you
IODs – Indicators of Disinterest – nonverbal signs that show that a woman isn’t attracted to you
KINO – Physical touch, or kinesthetic
Moving Targets – Sets that are in motion
Multiple Threading – Weaving between various stories
Neg – Playful form of teasing
Niquito – Chick Magnet
Pivot – A woman who assists in opening sets
Qualifying – The act of trying to prove to someone how worthy you are
Roll off – Showing disinterest by turning body
Set – Group of people
Stacking – Moving from one story to another
Thread – Line of Conversation
Two Set – two people
Oh, and by the way, back to Bret McKenzie, cutest Kiwi ever. New Zealanders are often referred to as Kiwis after the national kiwi bird, that is, not surprisingly the cutest bird ever!
It really was Jemaine Clement!! (of Flight of the Conchords) on Rivington and Allen St. in NYC's LES August 30th.
Two dumb divas stood by evaluating the initially-thought-to-be "Jemaine poser" trying to decide if he was real or fake. diva 3 loves Bret and diva 4 loves Jemaine - For such strong fans of the show this should have been a slam dunk ID of the suspect, and diva 4 seriously needs to have her eyes checked given her comment that he was just some guy 'pimping out the whole jemaine look.'
Ironically, the Bret girl, was fairly convinced this was Jemaine, pointing out distinct features, i.e. the space between his teeth, the broad shoulders and narrow waist, etc. However, the ever skeptical Jemaine girl was not at all convinced. His height was throwing her off, she thought he was much taller. Not to mention IMDB.com has it listed as 6'1 & 1/2", and this guy seemed no more than 5'10".
After a half an hour of - embarrassed to admit - not so subtle gawking at Rivington & Allen, neither willing to approach him, Jemaine and crew were on the move. In true Mel fashion we commenced a stalk/walk otherwise known as a stwalk where evidence was mounting that it might actually BE him (a girl on her cell screaming "he looked right at me.", a guy we saw run to talk to him and then fly a block back in the other direction to catch up with his friends). This was turning into a true fiasco which could have been so easily solved with a "hey, are you Jemaine?", "wanna get down to some business?" or "boom me baby!" but NOOOOOO we just stood there like idiots!
Finally after following the alleged Jemaine and friends nearly 30 blocks where they ultimately ducked into the Grassroots Tavern dive bar on St. Marks, where practically 20 people on the sidewalk spilled in with them - two lame divas hopped in a cab continuing to debate was it or wasn't it. After re-viewing several Concords episodes & seeing a gawker.com jemaine sighting post the next day that was clearly during our pursuit of the suspect, we had our answer. (The incompetant inspector Jacques Clouseau from the 70's Pink Panther movies would have done far better at solving this mystery!).
Unfortunately it was business time & we had punched out our time sheets way to soon. Business time was definitely over and we were FIRED!!
Somehow we will move on from this botched would-be encounter with greatness. It will take lots of ice cream (soy delicious for the vegan diva) and some therapy, but we'll get through the dark hours and find solace once again.
Sighning (that's right, sigh-ning) off, The Shy Siren Diva's
The new bachelor premiered this week featuring 30 year old Lt. Andy Baldwin, triathelete, doctor and officer. As far as bachelors go Andy might be the most decent gent they've featured yet. And for being such a good guy, I was surprised at the bad lot of women he was given. I was largely unimpressed by most of them, but one of those 25 women will be proposed to by the end of the bachelor season. as they say, it only takes one.
ABC is having a field day with the "officer and a gentlemen" tagline and all the bravado that comes with it. Not sure if it was Andy's car or not, but Lt. Andy Baldwin arrives at the bachelor castle in a Lambergini like batman in the gotham city! The first episode, as per the course, consisted of 50 hugs (25 women x hello hug + goodbye hug), 25 cheek kisses, 25 whats your name exchanges, 1 really bad joke about a muffin, 1 corny fortune cookie recited, 3 blunt approaches to the rose on the tray and countless pleasantries about nothing.
This season has some of the same bachelor ingredients we've come to know and love: the dejected and bitter first nite send-homer, the foretelling of a woman obsessed - (ie. ambulance shot), cat fights, drunken stoopers, fake tits and tacky dresses. it also added some new ingredients to the mix: singing contestants better than american idol's Sanjaya (not a stretch), gymnastics, baking with alcohol, and patriotism.
I'll give Andy this, by the time the first rose ceremony took place he did a fairly good job of weeding out the riff-raff. I'm grateful for the fact that i do not have to see the woman OCD body builder with the enormously large eyes and mouth on camera again....she got more of her share of camera time as they cut to her after every single rose was handed out. i swore i wouldnt get sucked into another bachelor but here i go again!
