The Dancing Diva Returns ... With a Danke Schoen to Wayne

Yes, fellow divas, Diva 1 has been on a work-imposed hiatus but she returns this week for a brief recap of this seasons' dances and departures on the ABC hit Dancing With the Stars. We'll take them by contender, and recap accordingly...

This season, Cheeseball, I mean Cheetah Girl Sabrina Bryan has proven (outside of pro dancer Julianne Hough) to be the series' first-ever contender under the age of 30. And, say what you will about her nerve and/or fashion sense, even Diva 1 has to admit that her opening cha-cha and this week's jailbait jive have proven that the girl has the drive and stamina to take this all the way -- provided that her Disney fan base isn't distracted from voting when the Hannah Montana tour comes to town.

Diva 1's taste however veers to Mel B, the salaciously scary Spice Girl of yore. Who would have guessed the woman who gave us "zig-ah-zig-ah" would prove to be a ballroom dancer with sizzle AND style? Pairing Mel B with Maks was a brilliant move on ABC's part and so far her cha-cha, quickstep and jive have evoked last year's pairing with Laila Ali. Thankfully, however, Mel B is even more talented, has a personality that comes straight through your tv, and has already managed to render Maks shirtless.

Dr. Quinn, aka Jane Seymour, topped the leader board this week with a smooth and sultry tango. Diva 1 believes that the judges last week were far too harsh on Jane's mambo and that this week proves that, like a fine wine, actors and dancers only improve with age. Diva 1 is betting that between the 007 afficionados who keep Bond week alive and strong on Spike TV, the Dr. Quinn set and recent viewers of the Wedding Crashers, Ms. Seymour will be around for weeks to come.

Rounding out the top four is Helio Castroneves, the brazilian racer with a smile of gold. Helio's enthusiasm and charm show in each and every dance, and he's managed to be the only person who looks awkward in practice but actually manages to keep up step for step with his partner Julianne come race day. Here's hoping that all the Indy fans are watching with their wives so Helio sticks around!

Stuck somewhere in the middle are Jennie Garth and Floyd Mayweather. Jennie's appearance was a bit of a shock to Diva 1 since she is the only 90210 alum to work steadily since the show's demise. Apparently, a hit show on the CW is still not enough to keep JG from riding the coattails of DWS Ian Ziering style. So far, Jennie's dancing is bland and many viewers are left only with noticing her gigantic teeth and tense mouth. This week's tango was a marginal improvement however and, if she applies herself, she could stick around. Same goes for Floyd who, for starters, has to realize that in order to jive, one must take their feet off the ground .(Seriously, did anyone other than Diva 1 notice that?!) Floyd is saddled with a seriously sour partner (Karina) and an attitude that rivals his partner's fury, leading one to the conclusion that despite his repeat label as "a contender" he could be "return to sender" soon.

In the bottom, we have Cameron Mathison, who seems content on proving (1) that soap stars are FAR more dull than their onscreen personas and (2) that Edyta's seemingly endless supply of sheer and slit-to-here gowns are not all that it takes to win the coveted mirror ball. Cameron broke out of dullsville for about 10 seconds in last night's tango but his promise quickly faded like the blush on a red red rose.

We also have Mark Cuban, who in 3 shows has proven that DWS gets better results than Jenny Craig and that, if effort was based on facial expression, it would be graded all As. Diva 1 can't help but respect his desire, but suspects that unless he starts buying some votes, disgruntled Mavericks fans will soon quit dialing.

Last but not least in the current contenders, is Marie Osmond -- aka the most annoying woman on the planet. All Diva 1 can say is, (1) how does one decide that their profession is "entertainer" and (2) where do they get her undergarments? All that spandex would certainly make Diva 1 look like a size 2, and she needs them stat!

Finally, and thankfully, as of this evening, we have been given the last dance of Wayne Newton -- while Cheryl is thanking her lucky stars that her toe will remain intact, the rest of us will be thanking ABC for not subjecting us to any more close ups of his orange, botoxed face. Danke Schoen ABC!

Diva 1 out, and mourning the loss of eye candy Albert Reed...

Technorati Tags: dancing with the stars, sabrina bryan, marie osmond, 17 divas,Jane Seymour,Helio Castroneves,Jennie Garth, Mark Cuban,dws, abc, tv,Cameron Mathison

Tessa Takes the Lead

On last night's bachelor, Andy Baldwin spent a group date with Amber, Bevin, Tina and Danielle assessing their "mom" quotient and their "community" factor as they did charity work creating a playground for an elementary school. Toiling soil, painting hopscotch boards and assembling tricycles and big wheels these gals did their best to paint themselves as the perfect mother to Andy's unborn children.

In a heart to heart talk Bevin confesses to Amber that it is makes her sick that someone who is 23 could be up against her mature-dness of 28 in the fight to win Andy. I mean, my GOSH, those ages are like night and day! In her 5 year advantage Bevin is INFINITELY more mature than AMber (as exhibited in this very scene)... NOT! God Lord, Bevin, you're TWENTY-EIGHT, not FORTY-EIGHT! GOI!

In one of the one-on-one dates, jeez, i cant remember her name, the 'other' stephanie i think, could barely form a sentence when Andy asked her about her career, dreams and future. Uhhhhhhhhh.... next!

Meanwhile, in the cliche "Pretty Woman" reinactment, Tessa received the one-on-one date complete with two million in diamonds and a stop off at Nicole Miller for a dress fitting of a princess before having a romantic date with Andy full throttle woo-ing her. I think this might actually be a first in Bachelor history that we've seen a bachelor CHASE a contestant. Nice going, Tessa.

so, at night's end Tina and Stephanie left the castle, rose-less and Andy-less.

This Diva predicts a showdown between Bevin and Tessa. And my ultimate Bachelor Finale prediction pegs Tessa as the one to win Andy's heart.

Diva 4 will be back for more,


Technorati Tags: andy baldwin, the Bachelor, tessa, bevin, amber, pretty woman, Bachelor, officer and a gentlemen, 17 divas, rose ceremony

Officer and a Gentlemen New Bachelor Begins

The new bachelor premiered this week featuring 30 year old Lt. Andy Baldwin, triathelete, doctor and officer. As far as bachelors go Andy might be the most decent gent they've featured yet. And for being such a good guy, I was surprised at the bad lot of women he was given. I was largely unimpressed by most of them, but one of those 25 women will be proposed to by the end of the bachelor season. as they say, it only takes one.

ABC is having a field day with the "officer and a gentlemen" tagline and all the bravado that comes with it. Not sure if it was Andy's car or not, but Lt. Andy Baldwin arrives at the bachelor castle in a Lambergini like batman in the gotham city! The first episode, as per the course, consisted of 50 hugs (25 women x hello hug + goodbye hug), 25 cheek kisses, 25 whats your name exchanges, 1 really bad joke about a muffin, 1 corny fortune cookie recited, 3 blunt approaches to the rose on the tray and countless pleasantries about nothing.

This season has some of the same bachelor ingredients we've come to know and love: the dejected and bitter first nite send-homer, the foretelling of a woman obsessed - (ie. ambulance shot), cat fights, drunken stoopers, fake tits and tacky dresses. it also added some new ingredients to the mix: singing contestants better than american idol's Sanjaya (not a stretch), gymnastics, baking with alcohol, and patriotism.

I'll give Andy this, by the time the first rose ceremony took place he did a fairly good job of weeding out the riff-raff. I'm grateful for the fact that i do not have to see the woman OCD body builder with the enormously large eyes and mouth on camera again....she got more of her share of camera time as they cut to her after every single rose was handed out. i swore i wouldnt get sucked into another bachelor but here i go again!

d4

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