The Dancing Diva Returns ... With a Danke Schoen to Wayne
Yes, fellow divas, Diva 1 has been on a work-imposed hiatus but she returns this week for a brief recap of this seasons' dances and departures on the ABC hit Dancing With the Stars. We'll take them by contender, and recap accordingly...
This season, Cheeseball, I mean Cheetah Girl Sabrina Bryan has proven (outside of pro dancer Julianne Hough) to be the series' first-ever contender under the age of 30. And, say what you will about her nerve and/or fashion sense, even Diva 1 has to admit that her opening cha-cha and this week's jailbait jive have proven that the girl has the drive and stamina to take this all the way -- provided that her Disney fan base isn't distracted from voting when the Hannah Montana tour comes to town.
Diva 1's taste however veers to Mel B, the salaciously scary Spice Girl of yore. Who would have guessed the woman who gave us "zig-ah-zig-ah" would prove to be a ballroom dancer with sizzle AND style? Pairing Mel B with Maks was a brilliant move on ABC's part and so far her cha-cha, quickstep and jive have evoked last year's pairing with Laila Ali. Thankfully, however, Mel B is even more talented, has a personality that comes straight through your tv, and has already managed to render Maks shirtless.
Dr. Quinn, aka Jane Seymour, topped the leader board this week with a smooth and sultry tango. Diva 1 believes that the judges last week were far too harsh on Jane's mambo and that this week proves that, like a fine wine, actors and dancers only improve with age. Diva 1 is betting that between the 007 afficionados who keep Bond week alive and strong on Spike TV, the Dr. Quinn set and recent viewers of the Wedding Crashers, Ms. Seymour will be around for weeks to come.
Rounding out the top four is Helio Castroneves, the brazilian racer with a smile of gold. Helio's enthusiasm and charm show in each and every dance, and he's managed to be the only person who looks awkward in practice but actually manages to keep up step for step with his partner Julianne come race day. Here's hoping that all the Indy fans are watching with their wives so Helio sticks around!
Stuck somewhere in the middle are Jennie Garth and Floyd Mayweather. Jennie's appearance was a bit of a shock to Diva 1 since she is the only 90210 alum to work steadily since the show's demise. Apparently, a hit show on the CW is still not enough to keep JG from riding the coattails of DWS Ian Ziering style. So far, Jennie's dancing is bland and many viewers are left only with noticing her gigantic teeth and tense mouth. This week's tango was a marginal improvement however and, if she applies herself, she could stick around. Same goes for Floyd who, for starters, has to realize that in order to jive, one must take their feet off the ground .(Seriously, did anyone other than Diva 1 notice that?!) Floyd is saddled with a seriously sour partner (Karina) and an attitude that rivals his partner's fury, leading one to the conclusion that despite his repeat label as "a contender" he could be "return to sender" soon.
In the bottom, we have Cameron Mathison, who seems content on proving (1) that soap stars are FAR more dull than their onscreen personas and (2) that Edyta's seemingly endless supply of sheer and slit-to-here gowns are not all that it takes to win the coveted mirror ball. Cameron broke out of dullsville for about 10 seconds in last night's tango but his promise quickly faded like the blush on a red red rose.
We also have Mark Cuban, who in 3 shows has proven that DWS gets better results than Jenny Craig and that, if effort was based on facial expression, it would be graded all As. Diva 1 can't help but respect his desire, but suspects that unless he starts buying some votes, disgruntled Mavericks fans will soon quit dialing.
Last but not least in the current contenders, is Marie Osmond -- aka the most annoying woman on the planet. All Diva 1 can say is, (1) how does one decide that their profession is "entertainer" and (2) where do they get her undergarments? All that spandex would certainly make Diva 1 look like a size 2, and she needs them stat!
Finally, and thankfully, as of this evening, we have been given the last dance of Wayne Newton -- while Cheryl is thanking her lucky stars that her toe will remain intact, the rest of us will be thanking ABC for not subjecting us to any more close ups of his orange, botoxed face. Danke Schoen ABC!
Diva 1 out, and mourning the loss of eye candy Albert Reed...
Technorati Tags: dancing with the stars, sabrina bryan, marie osmond, 17 divas,Jane Seymour,Helio Castroneves,Jennie Garth, Mark Cuban,dws, abc, tv,Cameron Mathison
Labels: 17 divas, abc, Cameron Mathison, dancing with the stars, dws, helio castroneves, jane seymour, jennie garth, marie osmond, tv
posted by seventeendivas @ 7:10 PM
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