David Cook, You Had Me at "Hello"!!

I think my feelings about American Idol this week can best be expressed through the following poem, written by me, Diva 3:

David Cook you make my stir fry
When you sing I let out a sigh
You've got me flying high
So happy we'd be together
if you'd just come on by (my door, "hello, is it me you're looking for?)

The fire's been lit, my cookies are done,
they are burnt & black but I'm not a maniac
I just wanna roll around with you in the sack
You can be my dog, 'ruff ruff' & I'll be your boo
I'll cook you breakfast, do you like tofu scramble too?

Keep on rockin' dog, represent the pound (you, Michael Johns, and Jason are the only dudes in it). You guys make Idol "worthy" (to use a word from the Simonary. His cousin Dick doesn't know what it means and neither do we, but who the bloody fuck cares).

There was more I had to say but David's performance eclipsed everything else for me for the most part and I'm bored at even the very thought of reviewing the others (more than half of which were not even memorable).

A couple last points, in addition to David Cook's absolutely inspired, creatively brilliant and magnificent performance, I think Jason's version of hallelujah was brilliant as well. David, Jason, and Michael are at the top, and David is at the tippy top (please reference the aformentioned notes and poems. That's pretty much how I feel, not entirely per se, but I don't have all day!.)

Also, can the psych medical triage team for Paula Abdul resolve their union issues, cross the f-ing picket line, and get back to work. She's going down and she's taking us all with her. It pains me so to see her babble in languages none of us understand...literally it does pain me...not just per se, like forreal!!

Obsessed DC Fan Diva 3 outtie ~ nighty night!!
(I need to watch DC's new rock ballad hit performance of Hello a few more times on youtube to help rock me to sleep, b/c in "my dreams I kiss his lips a thousand times"...I need to get enough REM time in, 1000 times you know is a lot!)

This wasn't a review per se, but it was in fact my point of view in case anyone gives a s@#$.

Technorati Tags: american idol, idol, david cook, 17 divas, paula abdul, michael johns, tv blog,jason castro

If Ya Wannabe My Idol...

You've got to be upbeat, make sure your song's not pitchy and don't forget to move your feet....

Ok, so at least one Diva is still suffering the effects of Monday's Madison Square Garden outing to the Spice Girls. However, last night's vote-off victims could have taken a cue from mes amies spice as they were evidently completely unaware -- despite Colton Berry's professed "love" of all-things-Idol -- of the unfallible Idol rules that must be followed if you want to make it into the top 12:

(1) don't sing anything by Mariah, Whitney, Celine, Peabo Bryson, Richard Marx or Luther Vandross during the first few weeks;

(2) do not sit on a chair; and

(3) do not sing a slow song.

Garrett, Colton and Amy proved to be totally ignorable -- but for their fashion faux pas and pitchy droning... and thus suffered a hasty exit last night, made all the more hasty by Seacrest's blissful cut-to-the-cut approach. I'm not even sure one could rip off a bandaid faster than Seacrest let the farewells fly last night...

Diva 1 has to exclude Joanna from the foregoing categories, however. Joanna proved that she could dress herself well and, despite the pitch problems and nerves, was far better than this seasons Britney-wannabe, Carrie Underwood look alike, or cowgirl/prom princess who kicked off the womens show on Wednesday (collectively, "the blondes").

Thanking their lucky stars last night were Mr. Moon River, Ch-Cheezy, Orlando Blook look-alike Luke (something), Scatwoman and the Blondes. As for the rest of us, its safe to say we were left to wonder why we couldn't just cut to the top 12, how many more group numbers must be endured and if there's a device to erase Paula's throw-back 80s video from our minds completely.... Oh yeah, and why the kids had to be publicly kicked to the curb in their second-hand group number costumes. In the immortal words of Aaron, "un uh, not cool!"

Until next week, Diva 1 out!

Technorati Tags: american idol, idol, ai, 17 divas, hollywood week, colton berry, tv blog,spice girls

Idol Gives Back and a Diva Celeb Sighting

The Idol Gives Back show aired tonite with the focus on charity more than singing. Kudos for AI for using their super powers for good! To find out how you can help, visit Idol Gives Back.

I was grateful to not have to watch a another romper-roomish Ford commercial featuring the contestants. I TOTALLY agree with Diva 1 - Simon looked HOT! Seeing him be nice to poor children kind of made him half human.

My ears must need to be cleaned because I had the opposite reaction to every contestant than the judges. I LIKED Blake - they hated him. I thought Chris hit some blatantly off-key notes - they loved him. Ditto for Jordin, she sounded shaky and off to me and they loved her.

I DID like Phil this week - 1st time. Lakisha and Melinda didnt wow me. And again, I agree with D1, Paula was a little wack-a-doodle comparing Fantasia to Celine and Maria. (please do not interpret this as I like Celine - I don't!!)

Now that Sanjaya is gone I don't really care who goes home.. I think it's anyone's game at this point.

Meanwhile, Diva 3, who has been delinquent in posting, had dinner at the table next to my absolute FAVE singer of the moment, Corinne Bailey Rae and her entourage, at a fave UWS eatery known for yummy lychee mist martinis! Good think I wasnt there, I might have asked her to put her records on and sing...especially after a martini or ten.

on another reality note, Bachelor Andy Baldwin did a pretty good job of sending home the "crazies" on last nite's Bachelor. Bye-bye to Stephanie Kansas and her fake hooters, brunette who made funny faces and tall blonde chic whose name escapes me. Amber staying was a surprise to me. I don't like her. But clearly Andy does. Bevin's whining about her foot is tiresome. So far my bets are on Tessa, time will tell. Andy seems nice and all but he's got pointier and harder tits than Simon or me.

don't even get me started on 'Dancing with the Stars.' You know how I know that show's gay? a 40 yr old virgin told me!

D4 outie

Technorati Tags: american idol, Idol Gives Back, american-idol, Paula Abdul, Phil Stacy, Chris Richardson, 17 Divas, Corinne Bailey Rae, Dancing with the STars, the Bachelor

All That Glitters ...

Is Paula, apparently. If she's not auditioning for a role in the LA reprisal of Dreamgirls, which apparently she's not because those girls were on Dancing With the Stars tonight, then she had no business wearing all that glittery gold nonsense. And I'm sorry, but Fantasia is not -- despite Paula's pronouncement -- in the same league as Celine, Mariah and Whitney. She's starring in The Color Purple for crying out loud.

A few other nonsensical observations before Diva 1 gets down to biznass...

First, Simon was looking, in the immortal words of Austin Powers, "dead sexy" tonight, even if Diva 1 is certain that he was wearing parachute pants with that top. The Other Simon -- Le Bon that is -- called, and he wants you to stop raiding his Duran Duran museum. Second, last week's ridiculous claim of "the highest vote ever in a top 7 show" conclusively proves that, despite all claims, even die hard Idol fans have gotten a little idle with the dialing (or just plain bored with this year's contestants). Hence tonight's "extra" voting time. Diva 1 predicts it won't help. But tune in tomorrow anyway for "the highest vote ever in a top 6 contest with 3 women and 3 men singing inspirational tunes..." and Sanjaya, on Leno, wearing Paula's outfit.

And now, for the contestants:

Diva 1 agreed with the judges that Chris R. started the night off with a killer vocal and performance, even if it took him about 20 seconds to really get started. However, he looked like he was headed to the local sadie hawkins dance with the cargos and the suit coat. Killer jacket? Only if we're talking about his fashion sense.

Diva 1 agrees with Swollen Diva -- Melinda is phoning it in, and her outfit was no exception to the conclusion that this was just another day at the office for her. Beware, however. Hayley wore those same shoes, and she's gone. This may mean Melinda finds herself in the bottom for the first time tomorrow.

Diva 1 agrees again with Swollen Diva, and the judges, that Blake was rather boring tonight. Surprisingly, it's Diva 1's favorite vocal of his in the last few weeks even if it wasn't very original or exciting. Apparently singing John Lennon requires an "homage" jacket. And while the Divas are sure that Paula gets all "sensitive and emotional" about Blake, let's keep the comments to the song please!

Lakisha, Lakisha, Lakisha. As Swollen Diva notes, Diva 1 rightly warned about the folly of picking an Idol song. Two Idol songs + two weeks = bottom two.

Phil. Another great song choice, and great performance (albeit slightly less great than last week). I just wish he would quit dressing like a poor man's Frank Sinatra. The hat worked for bald Daniel Powter, a 35-ish no man who bolted to the peak of fame last year with his "Bad Day" song, and it can work for you Phil! Besides, even if your wife needs to wear an H&M dress (and she was), you have an army of stylists at your disposal. Use them, Diva 1 would!

Diva 1 hopes, however, that Simon's prediction comes true and Phil is around for a little while longer...

Finally, Jordin. Diva 1 was waiting for Randy's signature pronouncement: "it was a little pitchy in the beginning, and the end, but the middle was hot!" Is Diva 1 the ONLY one who sees this? We want to love her as much as SD, but I feel like she's not giving me much to work with... other than that dress! Where can I get one?!

Until tomorrow, Diva 1 out!

Technorati Tags: american idol, american-idol, Paula Abdul, Phil Stacy, Chris Richardson, 17 Divas, Fantasia, Simon Cowell

Phil Stacey is the Bomb Diggity!

Diva 1, after a short hiatus, is back tonight with thoughts abrim on Gwen Stefani night. Prepped with a panoply of notes, she is prepared to declare Phil Stacey tonight's stand out winner -- if only for the fact that he followed the cardinal Idol rule -- Never Sing the Guest Artist's Song. Ever. Phil's outfit was rocking and finally made him look more like a pop-star than a pin-up grandfather. He delivered a superb vocal, without any crazy eye syndrome, and picked a song that made you forget his ineptness at stomping around the stage and his macarena-like hip shaking of last week. Loved it, and loved him. To quote his wife's sign from last week, Divas Loved Our Sailor!

(Diva Note: Phil's excellence was not suppressed by the fact that my dvr chose Phil's soaring chorus to freeze up for an entire second -- the beauty of the time display -- and demonstrate fully the fallacy of taping both Dancing with the Stars and Idol at the same time. For future reference, all fellow DWS addicts should simply turn over at 5 to 10 to see who gets ousted unceremoniously.)

(Side side note: Diva 1 is seriously bummed that she won't see Paulina P -- aka Ms. Ric Ocasek -- work her magic on DWS. Diva 1 demands a recount, or at least that Ms. Mills' partner rip off the fake leg like Billy Ray scalped Karina.)

Tonight's runner-up prize goes to Gina Glocksen -- although I had to close my eyes to try to wipe the heinous outfit out of my short (and long) term memory, the vocal was the best female vocal of the night. My only advice? Fire that stylist, and the hair dresser who turned you into a one-eyed wonder. You are not the invisible daughter from The Incredibles.

As for the rest...

Lakisha: Great as always, but I wasn't really loving the outfit OR the arrangement of the song. I should know, as I dance around to that song frequently in my apartment courtesty of the Charlies' Angels Deux soundtrack.

Fro Patrol: This was the first time I really enjoyed him singing, b/c the song showed off the tone and range of his voice. But I desperately want to dress him in a DARK shirt and LIGHT jacket, and not the other way around as he apparently insists on each week. I also want to tell him (in my mother's best kitchen voice) to PUT THE MIKE STAND DOWN.

Singing Machine: First to break the afore-mentioned cardinal rule for the SECOND time, and the best thing I can say about the hairdo is it made him look 15 years older. Plus he forgot the words. But I bet he'll be back next week. He is this year's equivalent of the "She-Bangs" boy, but for the fact he made it past initial auditions.

Hayley: Did anyone else think she looked like Paula's twin sister tonight? Hair -- horrific. And just b/c it was an 80s song didn't mean she had to resurrect something her much older sister bought at Express in 1982. The Old Lady is back, and she's BORING.

Melinda: Excuse Diva 1 for being a bit snobby, but given the army of stylists, I don't think anyone should be wearing a top that is currently on exhibit in every Bebe store window on 3rd Avenue and in Las Vegas (seriously, the Divas were just there -- and its on every Bebe mannequin west of the Missouri river). Only real critique of another good performance? Lose the belt next time.

Blake: Does anyone BUT Diva 1 think he's really not as much as the judges think he is? The outfit was like a straight jacket (the pants were even peg-legged, an offense one Diva will recognize as wolf-acious) and he was boring as all get out. Plus I'm EXTREMELY TIRED of staring up his nostrils every week. Naturally, Paula loved it.

Jordin: Diva is reminded of that famous saying -- one giant step for Jordinkind (last week), two massive steps backward this week. It was like a school girl talent routine fresh out of Mean Girls -- outfit included. Also, I thought it was extremely pitchy. And most idol-escents get chastised for allowing the back-up singers to do the heavy lifting.

Chris: For Diva 1, this was the third best performance of the evening. Not nasally and, although it was a little tentative at the start, the second half was great. I think he has a better voice than Blake by 10 miles, and with his tone I want to hear him sing some Stevie Wonder. I do want to warn him though, Members Only called and they're looking for their jacket.

Final thoughts? Paula looked weirdly old tonight, I must throw out my silver eye shadow (if I had some) immediately. I hate Gwen Stefani for looking so great even without her over-the-top fabulous diva make-up of yore. And her white patent platforms were the bomb, dawg!

Diva 1


Technorati Tags: american idol, american-idol, Sanjaya Malakar, Gwen Stefani, phil stacey, Paula Abduhl, haley scarnato, chris sligh